Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Can I just write about something I totally DON'T understand? Love. And Guys.
I don't get you. Why.

Let me explain just a little bit. As for love... well, I've never fallen in love. I've had a couple crushes before, but those are not even serious. It's more like, oh yeah, he's cute. More than, omg, I love everything about him. You know? That second one I've only really felt about my biases in K-Pop which is kinda sad. Anyway, so I've never fallen in love. Do I want to? Hell yeah, but there's no one. I don't know if it's just like I don't realize it or something, but I haven't found a person that I truly love. I'd probably do anything for that one guy if I found him though... Anyway, onto the second thing I don't get. I can't dwell on this love thing. Actually, I think I wrote a post on that before... well, whatever.

Guys. I don't get you. Or it's more like, I don't get my reactions to you. WTF. I don't get my own self in the way I talk to you or anything. I DON'T GET IT!!! This all stems from one person. Obviously. Because I'm wondering about this whole love thing, I keep thinking about if I love anyone and that guy keeps popping in my head. I deny it (I always do) in my mind and to myself of course. Honestly, I probably don't though. I always do this. Even with my biases in K-Pop. I keep saying that I don't love them. Then, I go into it and say that I do. Finally, I realize, wait a second... I don't actually think I do. You see? So, basically, in the end, I won't like the guy. Yup. That's my life right there... for now. Anyway, back to what this is about. My reactions to you guys. I don't get it. For most guys, if I talk to you for a short period of time, I'll be totally comfortable about it. But, if I talk longer (especially to guys I actually find attractive), the way I speak changes. I don't know why, but whenever I talk to that damn guy (I think I wrote about him too... I don't know. Go check.), I can't speak the way I want to. I don't get it. It actually takes a HUGE amount of courage to even talk to him (Which is why I only went up to speak to him once... Sorry dude.) mainly because he has friends around him like all the time (It's so fucking hard when you have so many people around you. Why do you make it so difficult???!!!) and when I do start talking, my voice is weird and starts getting kinda shaky. Why the hell am I like that when I talk to you? Maybe it's just because I took the initiative to talk to you? Maybe it's just a common response for girls to guys? I don't know. Actually, I'm not even sure what I think of him and what he thinks of me... I'm not really sure if we're friends.... I'm confused okay. I'm freaking confused. I don't think we're exactly friends... but I'm never sure. It's not like he needs another friend though. He has plenty of them. From what I've seen anyway. (Btw, he's the one who keeps connecting people I know together. WTF, why do you know like everyone I know? That's weird as hell. Oh and he's one of those popular people I was talking about) So, yeah. I can't talk to you. I can barely look at you even though I seem to seek you out. So, what the hell is this? Does anyone have a damn answer? Whatever. I'm getting off now. I need to do my damn HW. Fuck this school.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Lately, I've been neglecting a lot of things outside of school. I hate it! But, I don't have any time for much else besides school and it sucks ASS. Anyway, also, I want to say that recently, I've realized something. In this school, it seems like the only thing I'm doing is keeping the information taught fresh enough in my mind to pass a damn test. That's stupid. Life isn't about tests. It's about applying that information we learn, but in this school, we have like NO TIME to fully remember and understand all this info. In my old school, I would actually learn it not memorize for a short period of time and push it to the back of my head again. Geez.

Also, about neglecting things, I've been neglecting a lot of things whether it's writing my fanfics (Yeah, I write fanfics. Deal with it.) to writing reviews on my other blog to voice-acting, I'm completely neglecting it and I don't like that. I feel like I'm letting absolutely everyone down. Sometimes I really hate my life and I feel really stressed everyday and honestly, the only thing keeping me going is music (EXO, MBLAQ, Minna Arigatou Gozaimasu), Japanese class (Favorite class!), Chorus (2nd favorite class), and my friends. I have friends at my old school too, but I made new ones there and I really want to keep them. They are awesome too!

On friends, it's kinda weird. It's like everyone I associate with or are friends with and also friends with my other friends and it's like we're all interconnected somehow and it's just weird. I don't know how else to explain it. Also on friends, about me really, I am not that outgoing. Compared to other people, I don't have people surrounding me all the time, so it can get lonely and I feel kinda isolated. At the same time, I can blend with others pretty well and I can talk to pretty much anyone. I don't know if that's really good or bad. Also, about my personality... err... let's just say, it attracts a certain type of person to be my friend. You see, popular people can attract anyone to them and make them their friend right, but me, although I can blend with anyone, that doesn't mean I'm friends with them. My friends are typically a bit quirky and are most likely similar to me. I don't know what I'm really saying anymore and my mind's kinda jumbled up, but I hope this post made somewhat sense and I'm gonna get off. I will hopefully be able to work on my other projects soon!! But now... TOO MUCH HW. HELP ME!!!! \(TT^TT)/

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sehunnie & rewrite

Yo, I haven't written in like forever, but this is another EXO thing. I know. I should just start calling this blog EXO troubles or whatever, but this is Sehun/For Sehun/ I don't know...
It's about Sehun, obviously. I wrote this on Google Drive first, but here goes (it also includes my rewrite of Just The Way You Are for Sehun...):

You know the crazy thing about Sehun? He’s so similar to me sometimes. He’s also pretty much my dream/perfect guy ever. I’m not joking. I feel that even if I did meet him on the street & talked with him, and he wasn’t exactly the same as what I may have thought from EXO’s stages and whatnot, I wouldn’t mind. His motto, “Let’s live life doing the things we like!” couldn’t be truer in my mind. I believe that wholeheartedly. I believe that if you aren’t enjoying what you are doing, then you shouldn’t be doing that at all. It doesn’t apply to everything, but for the most part, it’s so true. Some things, like school, you have to endure, but if you have a job that you hate so much and it’s eating you from the inside out, then, you shouldn’t do it. He’s good looking. It’s true. I won’t lie about this. I find him very good looking. Kinda breathtaking I guess. I know that’s really something to describe a girl, but it’s true for him too. My heart aches for him, you know? Also, when he smiles, as I said in my re-write of the Just The Way You Are lyrics, “his laugh, his laugh, I love so much I like to see him happy.” When he’s happy, I love him the most. He’s so serious on stage that if I ever saw them on stage, if I was close enough, I would yell, “SEHUN!!” and use my fingers and my face to tell him to smile. It might annoy him or even mess him up, but if he isn’t smiling, I worry about him. I worry if he’s not having fun or if he’s hurt or if he’s worried about something else. It hurts my heart you know… He has this cuteness and innocence around him sometimes, but other times, he feels just really strong and ah, I don’t know how to describe it. His personality of being shy, but opening up later is just like mine actually. I’m not just BS-ing you because I want to have things in common with him. It’s true. With strangers, I won’t talk to much, but if you ever saw me with my friends at, say, the lunch table, I talk really loudly, laugh like a hyena, bang my hand on the table or slap my forehead with it, and so much more. I open up when I really trust someone as a friend. His lisp isn’t even noticeable to me, but it’s probably because I don’t speak Korean. Who cares anyway. If he has a lisp, who cares. I’ll still love him. His ideal type, is a bit of a problem for me you know… He wants a kind woman. The thing is, I’m not always kind. I can be really crude and I curse often. My temper can get out of control and I can act like a guy sometimes. But, for the most part, I am pretty nice. I care a lot about others and if anyone starts or looks like they are about to cry, I’m always the person who gets up and grabs a few tissues to hand to them. Anyway, enough about me. Another part of his type is that he prefers noonas or women older than him. Who am I kidding. I’m 5/6 years younger than him. He’d never look at me like that… would he? Despite that, mentally, I could be at least 20, but hey, I don’t really know. Also, I believe that I could take care of him just as well as any noona could. I can do basically everything a girl is “expected” to know how to do/know and I can care for people quite well. Overall though, I just love him to death even though he may never know me and will probably never care for me in his lifetime. My rewrite couldn’t be truer…

“Oh his eyes, his eyes
are so beautiful, gazing deeply.
His hair, his hair
is so soft I want to ruffle it maybe
He looks so good~
and I tell him every day.
Yeahhh

I know, I know.
When I compliment him, he won’t hear me.
And it’s so, it’s so
sad to think that he won’t ever see me.
But every time I think of him, asking.
I say…

When I see your face~
There’s not a thing that I would change.
‘Cause you are perfect~
Just the way you are.
And when you smile~
My heart stops as I stare for a while.
‘Cause dude you are perfect~
Just the way you are.

His aegyo, aegyo
is so cute I want to hug him badly.
His laugh, his laugh
I love so much I like to see him happy.

He looks so good~
and I tell him everyday.

Oh you don’t know, you don’t know
I’d never ask you to change.
If perfect is what you want,
then just stay the same.
So, trust me when I say that you look okay!
You know I’ll saaaay~

When I see your face~
There’s not a thing that I would change.
‘Cause you are perfect~
Just the way you are.
And when you smile~
My heart stops as I stare for a while.
‘Cause dude you are perfect~
Just the way you are.

The way you are~
The way you are~
Dude, you are perfect~
Just the way you are.

When I see your face~
There’s not a thing that I would change.
‘Cause you are perfect~
Just the way you are.
And when you smile~
My heart stops as I stare for a while.
‘Cause dude you are perfect~
Just the way you are~.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Like I said in my last post, I'm going to write a little life story today! Yay!

Let's talk about that friend I was mentioning before, shall we?
Okay, so I've known her since 2nd (?) grade or 4th (?) grade I believe, but we really only became really good friends in 7th grade. It's weird like that. Anyway, she's basically a girly girl and wants to make me into one. I know, THE HORRORRRRRR!!! I'm already becoming girlier because of EXO, but honestly, I still want to keep some of my tomboyishness. I think I said this already actually. Anyway, we did a lot of things together (played Just Dance AKA the only exercise I bothered doing this summer, doing OVA AKA Olympics of the Visual Arts which is total BS because the judges are soooooo biased it's not even funny and because they are so fucking stupid, they didn't get our on the spot project. WHAT DON'T YOU GET??? IT'S A FUCKING CAKE THAT'S BLACK WITH 30 CANDLES WITH HAND-GLUED WICKS AND A DRAWING OF A HAND BRINGING A MATCH WHOSE FLAME IS THE ONLY COLOR IN THE DRAWING WHICH BRINGS YOUR GAZE TOWARDS IT! THE SMOKE SPELLS FRICKING OVA!! WHAT DO YOU NOT GET???
Small tangent here. The on the spot project was to make something that had to do with 30 and OVA. At first we were going to do something stupid like write 30 and use the 0 as an O, but then, I remembered that it was the 30th anniversary of OVA, so I thought to draw a cake with 30 candles on it and whatnot. My other friend who was also with us then came up with the whole black thing with a single spot of color (the flame). We literally cut thirty fucking pieces of this string and hand-glued the wicks onto the candles and then we found out that we didn't fucking win 1st place because they "didn't get it". DAFUQ DO YOU NOT GET???
I'm still kinda pissed even now, especially since the people who did win in each of the categories were almost all from the same fucking school over and over and over again. YEAH, BIASED MUCH?!!!
Ugh, I'm too worked up now to write a new life story, so there it is. My life story of the day/week... idk.

Also, if my friend ever reads this.
Really? I'll friend-zone him? Dafuq do you want from me???? Stop making it seem like I'm guy crazy. I'M NOT!!! I swe** every single time. You seem to tease me about guys. The hell? What makes you think this??!! I don't get it!!!!! TToTT

Friday, September 20, 2013

You know, I've noticed something. It's the stupidest thing ever to notice, but I've noticed that the guys I like always seem to be about a foot taller than me, make me want to back hug them, have kinda messy hair, are typically older than me, but childish, and stuff... dafuq.... how did this develop? I don't get myself anymore. I need to just go and bang my head repeatedly on a wall somewhere. Why did I even get onto this topic? Oh yeah, my friend was talking about how I would definitely friend zone this new guy friend I made today (or I think I did... I'm too awkward for this shit...) eventually... Um... okay, but that would require someone actually liking me which is like no one, so ha ha ha ha ha ha...

I promise that my next post will include a life story. Those are the most interesting after all :P

Monday, September 16, 2013

Yo wassuuuuuuup?!!! How ya'll doing? Seriously. Is there anyone actually reading this. I said before and I'm going to say it again. When the hell are people actually going to read my posts? Like I said, I'm POURING MY LIFE STORIES OUT HERE. The LEAST YOU COULD DO IS READ IT!!

Anyway, the past week has been uneventful. To quote my fellow freshie, I was "adjusting to Stuyvesant". Yup. I'm still adjusting and, so far, I hate geometry. I don't get it/it's moving too fast/what the hell are we doing???!!!

I'll figure it out eventually, but right now, I'm lost as FUCK.
Anyway... let's just move on.

I'm not as super obsessed anymore (yay me!). Mostly because I don't get to follow them as much. They've had their goodbye stages already, so *cry* I won't be able to see them for another year. But, I'm also happy because they can hopefully get some rest now. I know they've been extremely tired and actually, I have too, but irrelevant. I want them to have a good rest. I want them to be able to speak and meet their family and friends and have a little reunion. I remember commenting on one of their stages that they looked really stiff and they didn't look like they were having fun. That's the last thing I want to happen. I want them to be happy. If it means that I have to wait, then so be it. I don't mind because if they aren't happy, I'm not. You know what I mean? Anyway, I'm going to sign off because I need to finish my HW and stop procrastinating, but I'm back and I'll be writing some more life stories soon! Bye~!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

My first day was an absolute disaster. Absolutely no time to go to my locker, so I was basically hauling 2 textbooks into each fucking class. Lunch was confusing as hell. How the heck was I supposed to know that I needed my ID huh?? How was I supposed to know that I had to pay at a freaking kiosk? I had no fucking info. After 1 freaking day, I'm already tired as fuck. I hate it. I still want to finish this school even though I pretty much only got... Um... 6? Hours of sleep. Thanks a fuck lot.
Exo is one of the only things keeping me alive right now. Except, I want to meet them so much that I always seem to cry. Stop making me cry EXO!
Talk later...

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Don't read the depression post. I get depressed from time to time and then get really happy from time to time and really pissed from time to time, etc. etc. Seriously.
Anyway, I cut my hair yesterday!!! It's shorter and I kinda like it. My hair was growing too slowly, so I decided to take my friends advice and cut it... I hope it grows faster, but at the same time, I like this length. I think I'll grow it out long enough and then cut it to this length again. I like it!! Anyway, you can probably tell by now that I'm in one of my ridiculously happy & optimistic periods... *sigh* anyway... you might wonder why I want to grow it out so bad. Well, I basically want to grow it out to see if I like it long & so that I can cut it and send it to charity. Yep, that's right. To charity. It might seem kind of stupid, but it's what I want to do. Anyway, bye guys!! School starts tomorrow and I'm super confused and still need to do some things. Bye~

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

I feel really depressed right now. It's probably really stupid of me to write this out, but who cares. I'll be embarrassed all over the internet. Big deal. Okay, fine, it's not that bad.
I'm just feeling depressed. Why? Simply because of a little thing called celebrity crushes. You see, I kinda figured out what I've been thinking for a while. You see, I was wondering if I really liked/loved Cheondung (MBLAQ), Tao (EXO-M), and Sehun (EXO-K). My answer? I don't think I really love Cheondung or Tao. I just think they are really good looking. But for Sehun... it's kinda different. Somehow I'm jealous over little things like him being in that damn sitcom... I know I won't see him either, but if I did... I would probably tell him. Just so he could reject me. If I saw him and he rejected me, I think I could get over it. The more I think about him having a girlfriend the more I don't feel good. This post probably isn't even making sense right now, but maybe after tonight, I'll feel better. I don't know... I want a nice boyfriend, you know? But, why did I have to fall in love with someone that's 5 1/2 years older than me + is a celebrity? That's BS. Bye.

Update: Ha! I'm in denial again and no, I don't love him. That's not possible. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I haven't even met him how could I? He doesn't even know me... But, I don't love him. Of course not. Ha! ha ahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaha Nope. I don't love him. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

I'm going to be working on a lot of stuff, so I won't be posting for the next few days. I'll post more often once I get into school though. Much more "exciting" (yeah, sure...) stuff will probably happen, so wish me luck with you know, friends and stuff (I'm an awkward bitch. Let's face it)... Bye~

Friday, August 30, 2013

Today, I want to talk about a game called, Super Smash Bros. You might have heard of it. Basically, it was a pretty big part of my childhood. My bro and I would play it together sometimes and I would ALWAYS pick Kirby because she (or is it he...) is the best character. Anyway, we would play it together or I'd watch while he completed a quest or whatever they were called. But, after my bro started playing a lot more on his Xbox & PS3, I stopped playing. However, I dug it out from his game pile and it just reminded me of a lot of things like the only party my family ever hosted and how my cousins and I had so much fun. I love those past days. The game also reminds me of when the library actually had these games downstairs that they allowed kids to play. They don't anymore, but it was ridiculously fun. I don't really remember how to play anymore, but I can't wait to play with my little cousin today. Okay, well, there's my little life story about Super Smash Bros. Bye~

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Okay, well, I have no clue what to write about except for what I decided to do with my friend today.
So, basically, we recorded a video and posted it on EXO's official fanboard.
I know, stupid. Right now, I kinda want to go dig a hole and just bury myself in it. I'm dying of embarrassment and just dying. HELP ME!!
You want to see my super embarrassing video? Go here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Bx3o0eVtjk
Watch me die of embarrassment. Especially when my friend decided to expose my secret about the whole Sehun-Tao affair... Aish... God damn it. Great. Now they are just going to know about the whole arms thing-y and how I pretty much love them. Even though, I can't say that because they don't really know me and I don't really know them... *sigh*
I'm obsessed with EXO. I know that. Come on. I cried for them already. It's kinda cray cray. Jeez, this blog is starting to just become a blog for my EXO troubles... agh.... I'm going to try to stop you guys (btw, who am I even talking to? No one reads this blog anyway...). I promise!! Okay, going to dig that hole now (it's a joke guys, chill). Bye~!

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Yo! So, before I completely forget (AGAIN), here's that extra long post you've been waiting for (not) and I'm sure you are just dying (again, not) to know about me and my brother as well as some other stuff. So, here it is.

So, me and my bro... we've always been close, you know? I was a serious tomboy in elementary school mostly because of him. He used to be really interested and in sports and stuff, so he would play with me in the backyard. We'd play football (well, 'catch' technically, but whatevs), soccer (passing & stuff), and baseball (again, 'catch' technically). He'd teach me stuff like the correct way to hold & throw a football, so that it's a perfect spiral. and stuff like that. Right now, I still mess up A LOT when it comes to throwing a perfect spiral, but for the most part, I can. We'd have a ton of fun together. Actually, he played soccer on a local team during middle school. Besides sports though, there are a few other memories I love. One of which includes his birthday. So, basically his birthday was the day and we went to Toys R Us or something, so that he could pick something as a gift using the money he got. And I saw this bin of stuffed dogs and I really wanted one (I was like 5 or something at the time, so pre-scar). He used some of his birthday money to buy it for me and that's one of my favorite memories of being with him. Another memory was in the 8th grade (when he was in the 8th grade). He had started playing video games, but it wasn't that bad yet. The TV that's currently in my room was in the living room then and his X-box was all set up there with his games. Sometimes I would sit next to him and watch him play. Tell him where some people were/where to shoot and stuff. At one point, he also tried to teach me how to play, but I just couldn't get it. When he wasn't playing his games, sometimes we would watch movies together and there was this particular one with Tom Cruise in it or something and it was like a whole typical alien thing and since it was nighttime and I was relatively young, I was scared as hell. During the day, when we watched it again at another time, it was fine, but I was scared. He didn't do anything I don't think, but him being there kinda helped me just get through it all. Anyway, another memory in 8th grade (when he was in the 8th grade) was when he went to DC on a school trip for about a week. There was also the trip in 7th grade that was a couple days, but had the same result. I really missed him. He was an awesome brother, so I seriously missed him. Anyway, when he got back from the DC trip, he had gotten me a souvenir. I love that pony to this day. But, in high school. That basically all changed. He started playing more and more video games and was on his computer like all the time. He kept buying things and sometimes he would buy things for his friends. Then, my parents started getting angrier and angrier. Sometimes, they would fight and yell a lot downstairs and I would have to be in bed, you know? I wasn't really allowed to listen in. In the beginning, I could because it wasn't so bad. I'd be the one to hand my brother tissues if he cried and things like that. But later on, I started crying myself. It just got bad. It would be during times when I'm in the middle of sleep, but wake up to hear yelling and stuff outside and I wouldn't be able to sleep. Sometimes I would go downstairs knowing full well what was going on and be told to go back up. It would wrap up soon after. I just started closing my door. Somewhere along the way though, near the time we're in now, my brother got a bit better about it. There's no more yelling. No more arguing. Things are better now and that's basically my story about my brother. Also, I forgot to mention this, but my brother was really smart. I still believe that he is really smart, but his grades started slipping and he was getting 60s, 70s as his grades when those video games practically became his life. Now, he's slowly getting better, but because his grades had slipped so badly, his GPA isn't that great, so he's taking a year off to self-study and what not to apply to colleges again. I had seen the rejection letters, so I know. I sincerely hope my brother can get into a good college and get a good job. Please God. Please.

Readers, um, my first review will come soon. I've just been killing myself lately, so yeah. Okay, bye!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I'm tired, I procrastinated, I'm sorry.
I'll write an extra long one tomorrow!!

Monday, August 26, 2013

I'm going to continue asking this question until someone actually comments on one of my posts. *in annoying girl voice* Like for reals. *end annoying voice*
So, yeah. When am I actually going to get real page views from something that isn't a spammy website? Huh?

*sigh* Probably never huh... Aiyaaaaaaahhhhh... You know? I couldn't stop thinking about EXO and the whole thing that happened. I keep talking to the poster on my bedroom wall. That's right. I'm just so insane and weird that I talk to posters. What can I say? You know, they are making me more and more depressed and yet I love them tons. They can make me depressed, but they can also make me extremely happy/crazy/excited/weird as fuuuuuuuuuu** So, yeah. Have you noticed that I say 'so, yeah' like all the time. It's seriously getting annoying to me. Yup, I get annoyed of myself. Especially when I can't seem to shut up even when I want to. I'm WEIRD. In case you didn't get it in the past...what is it?...12 posts? Whatever number posts I wrote so far, but seriously. If you have not gotten that I'm weird yet, um, there's something wrong with you, so yeah. See? There I go again.

I have to write this stupid paper and I'm procrastinating so much! I can't FOCUS!!!! ARGH!!! Someone help me!!! I need someone to always stay by my side to slap me, hug me, comfort me, love me, etc. Basically, I need a boyfriend don't I... *sigh* Maybe then, I'll actually be more 'normal', not that there is really anything normal about anyone. We're just US. God...
Anyway, I can't think of much to talk about, but maybe tomorrow, I'll talk a bit about my brother. :)

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Okay, like I said before, this post has to do with yesterday which was basically me crying.
I don't cry often. I don't want to. I don't like crying. It's not something I like. But, for some reason, what happened yesterday had me crying. Essentially, I was searching up on Google when EXO was going to come to the US, right? And then, I saw it. I saw that they were going to be at KCon. I cried at that. Do you know why? Simply because I thought that that would be my last chance to ever see them in my life and I need to see them. I want and I NEED to see them. I need to confirm/figure out my feelings in my heart with Chanyeol, Sehun, and Tao. I need to figure out who they really are. If they are just putting up something fake. I need to. But, because I felt so helpless, felt like I would never see them, that I would never understand myself, I cried. But honestly, even if I did know, my parents wouldn't let me go, but I would do anything to see them (not really ANYTHING, but you know what I mean, right?). I would do anything for them. I just want to see them. But, back to the crying bit. Me crying amazed me. Like I said, I don't cry often. But, EXO is so important to me that I actually cried for them. I love them so much that I hate them a little too. Which leads me to my question. When did EXO come to mean so much to me? When did they become such a big part of me and my thoughts. When?! I know there are sasaeng fans that are absolutely crazy out there that seem like they may be similar to me in terms of how important EXO is to them, but I'm not becoming one of them am I? I would never want to see anyone from EXO hurt. I would do anything to make sure they don't get hurt, why? I love them that much. I love their music. I love their personalities. I love their inside jokes. I love their nicknames. I love how they look (yes, I can get kinda shallow like that). I love their dancing. I love their singing. I love their rapping. The main vocals are all amazing. I'm a bit jealous of their voices, but at the same time, I also love my own voice. I love them and I want to see them. I need to. I cried for them. It made me hate them a bit. But, love and hate are so close to each other. Even if you love a person, I feel that you'll also have a small piece of them that you hate. Whether it's a personality trait, a physical trait, or something else. That's just how we are.

Bottom line is, EXO. I cried for you. I cheered for you. I laughed with you. I clapped with you. I love you. Please God. Let me see them at least once in my life and please let me talk with them. I'll learn Korean if I have to. I already know some Mandarin, but I need to brush up a little. Please God. Please.
I know, I know, I didn't post yesterday... not that anyone really cares. I mean, who actually reads this? Uh, no one. I'm starting to wonder when will someone actually stumble across this blog... *sigh* maybe never... Agh, I'm pouring out my life stories here!! The LEAST you could do is read it. Anyway... I'll post sometime later today. I'm too lazy right now. I'm sorry, but I have tons of work to do (aka a boring ass book to read and a freaking paper to write... *sigh*) and I'm a huge procrastinator.

Guys. DON'T PROCRASTINATE. Actually, I just thought of something to talk about. Last night. I'll write it up later, but it has to do with one of my least favorite things to do. Cry. Hope you stick around 'til then, spammy linkers...

Friday, August 23, 2013

You know, why do MCs always ask how old would they go (they being EXO & old being how old of a woman) and not how young? I'm sorry, I'm curious. Then, maybe I can actually give up on them if they say they wouldn't date someone as young as me (um 5 years/6 years anyone?). It would hurt, but I would at least be able to get over them. Thanks a lot MCs!!! Thanks a lot freaking fans!!!! YOU DON'T FREAKING UNDERSTAND D:.

Anyway, that's not what I'm really going to talk about today. I'm going to talk a little about colors, fashion, style, etc. So, what kind of style do you think you have? I was looking up some more information about Sehun the other day (I'm soorrryyyyyyy) and basically I saw things like favorite colors, birthday, fashion style, etc. I started commenting about it and stuff, but anyway, that's what brought me to write this.
So, his favorite colors are apparently black & white. I totally get him. They are so simple and work perfectly with pretty much anything. I love black especially. That started making me think about my own favorite colors. Red & Black. They also happen to be my favorite color combo. But, do you know why? It's kinda creepy, but I started liking them since like forever and it's because I grew up super tomboyish, so I never thought things were gross like some other girls and I would do a lot of dares. It was weird. I'm not going to go into that. Maybe another day. Anyway, I liked the combo because red=blood & black=death/darkness. I'll let that sink in for a little bit. Isn't that weird? I mean, I know I was pretty messed up, but this is even more messed up...
Anyway, now onto his style. "Neat" What the heck is that supposed to mean? Neat like he dresses formally or what? Anyway, that made me think of my own style. My style isn't really a style. Basically what I have is a tub full of clothes, but the ones I actually wear are the ones on top. Anyway, so every morning I'll just open it up and grab the first clothes I see and put them on. Usually it works out okay, but yeah... I like dressing comfortably & cute for certain things. I do have combos I prefer, but typically I don't bother unless it's something that I want to show off a little more in. Anyway, I don't really wear skirts or dresses. I'm still quite a tomboy. I do wear them if it's a seriously special occasion i.e. I'm forced to/it's a wedding/graduation/a dance I have to go to/etc. Anyway, so that's my style. Fashion is just stupid. Style is something personal, while fashion is something someone suddenly decides to make and people follow it. It's stupid and it changes all the time, so buying clothes just for the fashion is pointless. Little rant over.
Anyway, back to that whole how old would you go thing. Sehun was asked that in this show/interview I was watching and I have to admit that I didn't feel all that good at his answer. He says that he likes noonas a lot right, but let's face it, I'm freaking 5 years older (oops, I meant younger)... I hate this. Then, he said that he likes all girls (not that way guys, not that way) and I couldn't stop thinking about the whole noona thing. Plus he admires BoA which somehow makes me jealous for no freaking reason since I don't even know him personally. It shouldn't bother me, yet it does. Help me people. I don't understand anything.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

About the last post, I guess what I really should've said was, no one fucking gives a damn anyway, so whatever, broke bitch. (Sorry I'm a DavidSoComedy fan)

Anyway... what to talk about... have I talked about celebrity crushes yet? Yeah, oh well then... have I told you about how I'm writing some EXO fanfics? No, but you don't care? Oh, okay that's cool too. Have I written about how I feel like I have no feelings like AT ALL (besides a couple)??? No? Cool, then that's what I'll write about today.

First feeling, love. Basically the basis of all the other feelings, but yeah. Love. I don't get it. I don't feel it either. So, I'm kinda obsessed with Tao, Sehun, and Cheondung of EXO & MBLAQ respectively, right? But, I always think, "Do I really love them?" My answer is usually something like this, "I don't know, but I don't think so. I mean I don't fully know them or anything, so how could I. Not to mention, they are all at least 5 years older than me and they wouldn't fall for me even if I did meet them. But they are so cute and their smiles are AHHHH!!! Their arms. THEIR FREAKING ARMS... do I have an arm fetish now? WTF... KALfh;lkahgjkvh;slifjb,mbn,mb" So, yeah, it basically ends with my brain melting. I don't understand love. I don't think I'm at the right age where I can actually have a lasting relationship, but at the same time, I want a boyfriend. It makes no sense. I don't even approve the couples in my school. They never last anyway. Seriously. There are also those one or two popular guys/girls that have gone out with like ALL the other popular people. Um... okay. The longest one lasted maybe a year.... I'm not sure really. I don't know. Forget it... Anyway, I don't get love. I don't know if I can even love someone anymore. I DON'T GET IT!! PLEASE HELP ME!!

Second feeling, sadness. I'm starting to believe that I can't feel sad. At all. For some stupid reason, whenever something bad happens and I'm supposed to be sad, I can't cry or anything. I actually smile and laugh. I don't know why, but that's my natural response. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!

Third feeling, can't think of anything else. These are the main ones. You know, I even wrote a few paragraphs about the whole 'What is love' thing... God. Anyway, see ya'll later.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

SORRRRY!!!!! I LIIIIIIIIEDDDDD X'(

I'm super forgetful if you didn't know, so I completely forgot to write anything yesterday!!! AKHDaklhdglhlbn,xcnvbmxnhWE
I'M SORRY!!!

Well, I'm here now, so let's get started k?

Let's start with my cousin. My female cousin I was talking about before. Okay, well, she's only a year older than me, so we were really close. When I was little (3 or 4 or something like that), we used to play together all the time especially with this little green chair that is sooooo unbalanced, but it's a dear memory to me, so I love it. We always had fun. As we grew up and she had to go to school. I would help her with math sometimes (btw, I lived in my grandma's house at the time, so from like 3 or something the multiplication tables up to 9 was drilled in my head) and we would still have a lot of fun. Eventually I had to go to school as well and we grew a bit farther apart because I moved to where I live now and I moved to another school. We never went to the same school or anything, but because we lived in the same household, we could always talk and whatnot. I went to my grandma's house on the weekends and we would talk. In elementary school, we would play pretend games and talk about what happened in school. Sometimes we would pretend that we were on a bus and we packed a lunch in a lunch bag which basically consisted of a nutella sandwich and 2 apples. I loved to play it and we would always sing praises about how delicious that sandwich was. Anyway, we would sometimes have dance parties where we would close the blinds and dance/rock out (remember how I said I could only dance in front of my cousin?). She would never judge me and honestly, we typically had the same moves up our sleeves :).

Then, middle school came. We saw each other less because she moved with her mom (she doesn't have a dad) to an apartment. But, whenever we did see eachother we would talk like oldtimes and talk about boys and all that other stuff you talk about in middle school (early middle school anyway). We would always have the same taste and stuff, so it was kinda weird. However, that didn't last. During middle school, we drifted apart more and more. She had her friends that she liked talking & hanging out with more than me. Me? I was a shy person, so I ended up being a bit of a loner with a few friends. My friends wouldn't always hang out with me though, so I was a bit lonely. I would be at my grandma's house while my mom's talking in the kitchen with my aunts & uncles reading or listening to music and staring blankly at a wall. Sometimes my grandma would talk to me and tell me stories about her childhood, but sometimes, I wasn't in the mood, but I listened anyway. Her childhood was during WWII, so it was bad. Really bad. I'm not going to go into that.

Anyway, the only times when it would be fun is when my other cousins came. My younger cousin and my older cousin. I never held grudges over that whole scratching my cheek incident and we got along well. Actually, I can't really hold grudges over anything. I'll try to, but a few days later and I forgot about it already. Then again, those incidents weren't even that big of a deal. If it was major, like heart-breaking major, I would probably hit something(-one). So, now, my relationship with my female cousin isn't amazing. We talk sometimes, but whenever we see each other, we barely talk unless I start joking around and stuff. Funnily enough, she's one of the only people who actually get my jokes. I don't know why, but my jokes seem to just suck everywhere else or they just don't get it. Before, she used to sleep over at my house for a week in the summer and we would have tons of fun. I loved when she came. Now, she's always with her friends or something and I'm, well, I'm writing this blog and stuff aren't I.

Also, one more thing that's related to her, but I had no clue where to put it in. Her mom, started dating this guy, right, and he has this son. I swear that his son had a crush on me, but I would be like, "Get away." I kid you not, I was sitting on the couch, right (This was during a New Years/Christmas party I think with family). There's soooo much space on either side of me, but he sits next to me. I'm like, "Okaaaaay...." and I shift to the left. Guess what? He shifts to the left too. So I keep moving away and he keeps moving with me. Eventually, I just get up and go find my cousins and we hang out.

Also, about that guy that's his dad. This is a story from my cousin who was at the place when it happened. So, basically, my aunt invited them (my cousins & her boyfriend & son?) to this park thing. I think it was Dorney or D-something park. Anyway, not important. So, all throughout the day, my aunt and her boyfriend would be showing public affection right? (Btw, I was not there) Apparently though, it was REALLY gross.
So eventually, they are on this ride that was like a boat I believe and it was really sunny out. So, my older cousin is steering and he notices that the guy & him (idk if his son was there) were in the shade, but my aunt & cousins were in the sun. So, he goes to turn the boat, so that all of them are in the shade, but what does that guy do??!! He freaking tells him to stop. YOU are going to tell HIM to STOP?!!! YOUR GIRLFRIEND is in the bloody sun and you tell HIM to STOP?!!! Um, what's wrong with that? I'll tell you what the fuck is wrong with that. That is some bull crap. She's in the hot sun and it is not fun. DO YOU UNDERSTAND???!!!! All my cousin wanted to do was turn the boat, so ALL of you were in the sun, but YOU tell HIM to STOP?!!! You know what you should do? Get off your fat ass and go sit in the sun. Tell me how you fucking feel after an hour.

There's my rant & life story of the past 3 days. Sorry for not posting guys. I hope this made it up to you! BTW, feel free to comment what you feel. I want to know.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Sorry I didn't write one yesterday. I'll write an extra long one later today to compensate! It's too late right now. Fanfics are eating my time up!!! AGHHH!

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Yo, so today, I suddenly feel like talking about dancing... okay fine, I'm not really talking about it. I'm ranting about it. Let's face it. I can't dance for my life. I can't dance. I'm always dragged/almost dragged to the floor by my friends because they wanna dance right? But me, I'm like fuck no! I ain't dancin'! Reason being is, I'm self-conscious. I might be pretty bad-ass when it comes to other things, but when it comes to dancing, I can only dance with my cousin. Another cousin that is one year older than me and we were like sisters when we were younger. I'll talk about her in another post. Anyway, my idea of dancing is pretty much jumping up and down fist pumping. That's pretty much it. At home, I can really do everything else, but when it comes down to it, I can't dance the way I want to on the floor. The fact that there are other people soooooo does not help. I fucking hate dancing. I can't dance for shit unless I'm at home. No joke. I can't. I'm too self-conscious and I just don't wanna. I get embarrassed easily and let's be honest, that freaking music is a headache. 1. There's NEVER any music that I actually like and listen to. 2. It' freaking loud. Do you really want to give me a head-pounding headache that bad?? HUH?!! Anyway, point is, I can't dance. I don't want to dance with other people. I'm afraid of getting criticized on my dancing ability. That's me. My real dancing only comes out with very little people or with me at home when I know no one is watching. I mean like I can feel the beat and stuff, but I'm like staying in one place moving a tiny bit or something like that. I hate dancing with other people!

Done. There's my rant of the day.

You want a memory? Well, you'll have to wait until tomorrow or something. I'll tell you about my cousin then. Until then, ja ne! (That was Japanese for see you later)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Yo! I just wanted to say that I'm going to try to do daily blog posts, but because of school (I'm actually "moving"& going to another harder school this year), I might not get to it, so enjoy it while you can bitches!

Anyway, here's my life story of the day.
I already told you about how I punched a guy in 2nd grade right? Basically, 2nd grade was my wildest year. Or was it 3rd grade that this happened... I don't remember, but it did happen, so here's the story. Basically in 2nd or 3rd grade... you know what? I think it was 2nd, so let's just go with that. Anyway, in 2nd grade, I went to my cousins' house with my brother, mom, and dad. Essentially, in that household, I had an older cousin that was my brother's age and a younger cousin about 3 years younger than me. So, my brother and my older cousin were hanging out with each other while me and my younger cousin were playing together. I think it was that we wanted to play with the soccer ball, but my brother & my younger cousin's brother wouldn't let us. Eventually, I think I stole it away and hid it away from them while we played with something else. They came to find and kept asking us where it was. I told them I didn't know where it was and they knew I was lying or something like that. Anyway, eventually, we (my older cousin and I) took up sticks. Big ones too. I know, how stupid could we have gotten. I don't know specifically what happened, so a few facts could be skewed, but basically we started fighting. I know, a what was it 6? 7? whatever amount year old fighting a 10/11 year old guy... such a bad move. We were fighting and eventually, his stick actually cut me. My face to be exact. We completely panicked. It was a pretty deep cut. We went in and I was freaking out. I think I was crying and everything. Anyway, it was cleaned up and bandaged and we went home. I don't know what happened to my older cousin, but I doubt anything good happened. To this day, I still have a scar on my left cheek. It's still there. I want it to stay there too. It's a part of me and a part of a memory I don't ever want to forget. You see, I'm really protective of people right? So, every time my older and younger cousins get in a fight, I'm always the one who gets in between them. I get knocked around a bit sometimes, but I generally succeed in getting them to stop. So, yeah. That's a part of me and my life.

I want to also say something else though. I'm not tall, like at all. My friends are all at least an inch taller than me if not more. I'm always the one looking up at them. It's kinda annoying, but that's not really the problem. The problem is clothing. What I want to ask the world is WTF are "normal" sizes? Why do you assume that everyone can wear "normal" or "average" sizes? HUH?!!!! Why can't you make clothing specifically for taller or shorter people or create a brand for taller & shorter people. Seriously. Every single time I need to go buy new clothes, (like today for example), I pretty much never find a size that fits in the clothing brands that are supposedly for my age. I actually get embarrassed walking into the stores because I pretty much know nothing is going to fit, or I'm going to look so weird, and my baby face soooo doesn't help anything. I look something like a 5th/6th grader and I'm going into high school. And, for God's sake, I DO NOT want to keep buying clothes from the children section. I'm SICK of it. OKAY? I can't keep doing it. I'm going into high school with these stupid ass prints all because I am too short for the juniors/teens section. God damn it. You know, it's either that I'm too short or my bust size is too small. WTF. WTF does my bust size have to do with it. Sorry for not having a huge rack like some other girls. Jeez. I just don't understand why there can't just be some clothing specifically made for shorter people. MAKE ONE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD!!! Actually, in my future, I plan to also learn how to make dresses/clothing and I'm going to sell one of a kind clothing on Etsy. I'll only make 1 of everything and make them specifically for shorter or taller people, so no one will have the problem I do. Thank you and amen to that.

There's my rant and life story of the day. Did you enjoy it? Good, so go subscribe. It's just on the right. Stop being lazy and move your fat finger across your trackpad already.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Honestly, I don't think anyone actually reads this blog. That's understandable seeing as how I don't promote it at all and it's been about 3 days... or was it 2... whatever.

Needless to say, I am a huge night owl. Even if I go to bed earlier, I generally stay up for about another hour before actually going to sleep. It kinda sucks sometimes. I could use that extra sleep, but I can't use it... urgh... anyone else with these problems?

Anyway, I got back from the little vacation earlier today and came back to a whole bunch of mail! YAY!!! Sorry, I'm like a freebie junkie and I love entering & getting stuff for free. I'm cray cray like that. Of course, the rest of my day contained fanfics... and a lot of them. I love reading fanfics about EXO if they are good, but more often than not, they suck ass. I'm sorry. Some do. Then, I read to the end and I see comments complimenting it. And I'm like, WTF, you thought that was GOOD??? Are you freaking kidding me? Maybe it's because I read a ton of shoujo mangas, so I have a basis for what's good and bad, but seriously? BTW, I know what you are thinking right now. This girl is a freak. It's true. Helloooooo! Did you read the description I wrote of me? Huh? HUH????!!!! I freaking wrote that I was weird. Now, DEAL WITH IT!!!! I'm a freaking otaku, part-time worker, smart asian student, etc. Jeez...

Also, I decided that I would review music first. I figure, Why not?, you know? I have my own taste in music and stuff and I'll write reviews on it. First thing I'll review is the XOXO Repackage Album Hug Version!!! I just got it today and OMG, it's my TREASURE!!! I'll protect it freaking forever. I don't know what I would do if it ever got damaged. If someone did it on purpose, I would probably kill them... okay fine, I wouldn't kill them. I would just permanently hurt them... not really. I would hurt them, but I don't want anything like that hanging over my head. Now that reminds me of the time in 2nd grade when this guy was annoying my friend and because I'm a really loyal friend, I punched him in the stomach. He basically doubled over and I had no clue what to do. I actually tried to pretend I didn't do it. But, I knew I did and guilt basically made me stop pretending. I was crying for a long time. I was (and still am) a pretty messed-up person. I won't really hurt anyone anymore though. That was basically elementary school. Elementary school was my wild days. Usually it's later for people, but for me, elementary school was it. I played football & soccer after school with the guys (I frequently got told off for grabbing shirt collars to tackle people), usually with a friend of mine, and sometimes fake hurt people. I don't really remember what that was, but it wasn't good. I think... I don't remember. Then, 4th grade came and that girl that was that friend that played football & soccer with me basically told me to fuck off. Being told that, I said it right back to her. We had another friend too. She tried to stop us, but we stopped being friends. The other friend went with that friend and I was left alone. I had other friends and I had found other ones too, so I was fine. Now, we're all on good terms with each other, so I can say this all out. Anyway, in middle school, let's just say there were guys afraid of me. I didn't care. I think I actually kind of enjoyed the power, but I knew I had to change as well, so I did. Slowly, I became less and less violent and less and less wild and more and more girly. I'm still quite a tomboy, but I do have girlish tendencies. I will not hesitate to hit you if you are mean or cruel. I don't give a shit. That's who I am. I also still am pretty powerful. At recess, my friends sometimes play this jump on each other/tackle each other game and sometimes they'll do it to me. I'll always throw them off me or twist away. I can be intimidating even if I am only 5'1"/5'2" (A full foot shorter than Tao & Cheondung *cry*...). Anyway, there's my spiel for today on my life.

Go subscribe for more stuff like this. This is like a vlog, but not really. It's a blog. Which is weird because vlogs are video blogs but... You know what, whatever. Just go subscribe.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Soooo, how's it going? I have a feeling most of my posts are going to start this way, but who knows. Anyway, I'm still on vacation, going back home tomorrow, hopefully to a ton of packages. Kekeke.
By the way, do any of you guys listen to J-Pop, K-Pop, J-Rock, C-Pop? Anyone? Comment below your favorite band/group/singer! Right now, I'm super uber obsessed with EXO & MBLAQ. Thanks a lot Joanna!! Now, I'm like scrambling to see all their variety shows, interviews, you name it. Jeez. I'm scared of myself! 

Anyway, what do you think my first review should be about? Something crappy at school (I'm still on vacay, but when I start school), a health/beauty product, food, a home/garden product, what???!!! 

But, now that I've talked about food, now I want to comment on my lunch. By the way, I'm kinda scatterbrained, I jump around topics a lot, and stuff like that. So, lunch. I went to Pho for lunch with my parents and I ordered this beef, veggies, and rice dish. (Now, that I wrote that, I want to say something else. 1. Don't think that just because I'm a girl, I'm limited to low-calorie foods. FUCK THAT! I don't give a damn honestly. I think you should be able to eat what you want, in moderation, and if you get fatter, work that fat off! 2. Xiumin, if you ever read this, although you probably won't. STOP DIETING! Please! I was scared when I saw a picture and your ribs were showing. I don't need you to diet. I don't even think us fans in general need to you diet. I care more that you are healthy and happy! Please don't take it too far and please don't sacrifice your happiness for us. We love you! Saranghae~! I love you and EXO! Oh, and Tao, Sehun, Saranghae~! Wo ai ni!! Seriously. You guys are the awesomest! Anyway, back to my food...) See what I mean, seriously scatterbrained. Anyway, my food. So, it was this rice dish with thin slices of beef, baby bok choy, brocolli, and this really delicious sauce. The sauce was perfect in my opinion. It wasn't too salty (like P.F. Chang's, sorry but, that shit is salty!) and had a slight sweetness to it. It went perfectly with the beef and veggies. Basically, I loved it. I'm a foodie, but when it comes to writing it all down, I can't really give you a good representation of it. The main thing is that I liked it. However, you have different tastes than mine, so why trust me? Try it for yourself and tell me what you think!

By the way, this is kind of too late to warn you all, but there will be some cursing in this blog. It's kinda part of who I am. Sorry. Didn't you read the description of myself? I told you I was a cursing bitch. *sing-songy* You should've listened~

Anyway, that's about it for today. Comment below what you think my first review should be about.

BTW, if you are a druggie or alcoholic or anything like that. Just GTFO. I don't give a damn. You should be fixing yourself up. Doing drugs or drinking really heavily is NOT helping your life out okay. I don't want you on my blog either, so get out. I don't care. JUST GO.

Alright, that's about it. Bye!

Yo!
My name is Cheryl. I'm not gonna tell you my last name, so don't ask, k?
Anyway, I'm a high-schooler currently and I'm creating this blog to give my thoughts on products and sometimes what's happening in life.
You still want to know more about me? Okay, well, like I said I'm a high-schooler. A freshman this year. I blog part-time and also voice-act part time among other things. I use an alias called Cheryl Walker. You might know me, or not. It's not like I'm famous or anything. Anyway... you know what? I'll just use this thing I wrote before. It's pretty accurate. Check it out.

I’m a ridiculously romantic, narcissistic, semi-friendly, semi-depressed, somewhat nice, caring, thinks-one-step-ahead, pretty smart, honest, trustworthy, has a nice smile (idk), hot-tempered, bold, weird, jack-of-all-trades, semi-athletic, foodie, tech savvy, bookworm, voice-acting, blogging, reviewing, high-standards, acts-like-a-guy, kinda cute (idk), bad-ass, cursing bitch.

Yup, that just about summed it up. So, go and subscribe already. What the heck are you waiting for??!! Go!