So... today, I watched EXO's performance of Overdose. They were lip-synching... maybe that's why. They've also just lost their Chinese leader, Kris... maybe that's why. Well, I don't know why.
I don't know why the hell I can't feel towards them anymore. I used to be so excited, so happy, so incredibly pumped watching them. Now, I feel that they are machines, trained to perform.
I can't feel their energy, their passion, or anything towards their craft! I don't feel that they are excited or happy performing at all. I just feel sad and worried watching them. Are they okay? I don't know. I CAN'T KNOW. I can't find out.
Is it because my heart has moved on to some other group? Have I moved on? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! I've never been good at reading "signals" or reading my own heart. I don't know what's happening.
They feel incredibly distanced from us. If I met them, I feel like their vision would go right through me, like they weren't actually looking at me. If I saw them in concert, which I've wanted to since forever, I feel like I wouldn't enjoy it because my worry would consume me. They feel so dispirited, not energetic, dispassionate, and sad. Just sad. I don't know what's happening. Are you guys okay? Please tell me. Are you? I can't feel you guys anymore. I can't feel anything towards you guys, towards the people on stage. I can't.
Please tell me how you guys are doing. Please. Have you guys read my letter? I love you guys.





To my readers (not that there are any, but...), sorry about this post. I just need to get this out there.
Finals/Regents are coming up, which means that summer vacation is coming, so I'll be posting more stories on here soon. Thank you for reading, if you do. Bye :).

Okay, so I just thought about writing this life story of mine because lately, my friends and I have been talking about what love feels like and past crushes and stuff.
So, pretty much every year from elementary school on, I've had a "crush" on some guy. But it was even a crush, it was just like "Oh, that guy is cute" and the next year, I would move on to some other guy. Honestly, there was only one guy who actually made it past that first year and I "liked" him for 2 years before I moved on.
Anyway, there were two guys in particular that I'm going to talk about today. The reason is that when I liked those guys, one of my friends (different friends in each situation) also liked him. We didn't hate each other for it or anything, but it was like that. The stupid thing is, for some reason, we both decided to confess together to that guy.
The first time it happened, I think we each just said something along the lines of "I like you, ________." After all of that, he ended up dating my friend.
The second time, we both went up to him during work time in class and listed good qualities in him and somewhere along the way, we confessed. Again, he ended up dating my friend.
So... basically, to sum up, in each of those "crushes", the friend that also liked him confessed with me and each and every time, he ended up with my friend.
What.
The.
Hell.
I mean, I didn't really care afterwards because I didn't even really like them that way, to be honest. I just thought I did at the time, I guess. Plus, the girl was my friend, so I couldn't really get mad at her. But seriously guys. What is so wrong with me? To be honest, I'd love for you guys just to tell me your first impression of me because it's like no guy can ever see me that way. In school, even during P.E, if some girl gets hurt, the teacher will always call out to her and asks her if she's okay, but if I get hurt, no one gives a fuck. It's like they think I'm a guy or something. Guess what? I'M A BLOODY GIRL, GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEADS ALREADY!! I'm sorry that I can't act more girly and cuter. I'm sorry that I can't take the time to really give a fuck towards what the hell I'm wearing. I'm sorry that I can't react the same way as a girl in public. I'm fucking sorry, but could you stop treating me as if I'm a guy? I'm NOT! I'm a girl, too, for God's sake. I really am. Why can't you guys see that?
Anyway, that's my little life story for today. Thanks for reading :).

By the way, I'm doing an I-search project right now and I need to interview either a K-pop idol and/or a person in the business that's involved in casting, training/trainees, and actual idol life and is very knowledgable about each of them. If you fit in one of these categories, will you comment below? Thank you!

Misunderstandings... Give that guy/girl a chance!

Okay, so I haven't posted in freaking forever because I literally have NO TIME AT AAAALLLLL!!
Seriously. I sleep like 2-6 (6 on a really, really good day) hours a day on weekdays and even on weekends, I can only sleep like 7 hours because I can't fall asleep fast enough and wake up too early. It freaking sucks. Why does this happen? School. Freaking school. I HATE YOU! But I like parts of you too... Anyway, this is something I just want to post for all those people who are having a misunderstanding between them (as in... *cough* boyfriends and girlfriends *cough*). I just want to say this to you right now. Let's go!

Why are people more likely to trust what they have seen rather than a person explaining what had really happened?

True, people do lie, they can perceive it differently than you, and/or other things, but you may have interpreted it in the wrong way as well. That’s why if something ever happens that causes a misunderstanding between two people that are obviously in love, they should just talk. I don’t really understand why they won’t. You have to trust for a second that the other person will tell the truth. You can put your guard up a little bit just in case they lie, but don’t just take what you saw as the only possible explanation. Hold on, it isn’t even “what you saw”, it’s “what you think you saw.” Why? Simply because it’s really just your interpretation of what happened, not the exact actions that occurred. Okay, so your girlfriend hugs someone else, so that automatically means that she’s cheating on you? NO!

Yes, it’s a possibility, but have you thought of the other possibilities? It could’ve been a brother or a cousin, it could’ve been a goodbye hug, it could have been just a friendly hug, it could have been so many different things. You have to remember those too and not just say that your very first impression/thought is true. It may not be.

So, you have to talk to them and truly figure out what’s going on. You have to take a step back from your “lover boy” perspective and take a look at her from an outsider’s perspective. You need to properly gauge her personality and choose to trust what she says or don’t trust what she says. It’s what you must do!

Please, please, please don’t just end it just because of that one thing. I will say this over and over again. YOU MAY BE WRONG! Yes, I know, it’s a big thing for you to understand. You may be thinking that “Oh, I could never be wrong. I’m me,” or some shit like that, but let me tell you something right now. You are human. Just like the rest of us. You can make mistakes. It’s natural. You can be wrong. And you better believe it. Don’t waste your breath and say that you will never and have never made a mistake because trust me, you have.

So before you start making rash decisions like breaking up with your girlfriend over something like this, please talk to her first. If you still feel that after your talk, it’s suspicious, then by all means, break up. If not, then think it over carefully before deciding whether or not you want to break up or not.

Also, give yourself breathing room from her to clear your thoughts and also release all the rage you may feel.

I’m just asking you to give your girlfriend (or boyfriend) a chance to explain things before anything huge like this happens, okay? That’s all I’m saying.

There's actually more I'd like to say, but I'll leave it at this for now because I can't remember. Anyway, until next time! Bye~

1st Kpop Concert Ever (B.A.P Live On Earth 2014: New York)

So, yesterday, I had one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had so far in my life. It was just crazily fun.
I went to a B.A.P concert.
Ahhhh! Ok, now calm the frick down.
The entire experience from ticket buying to just being there was crazy. I initially wasn't able to get tickets because apparently, they had a glitch that said that all the tickets were already sold out. When I found out that that was the reason, I cried. Wow, I know, get a damn hold on your emotions girl, but I couldn't. I thought about what if it was EXO? I would never forgive them. But luckily, sure enough, people were selling them on Facebook like the next day. And luckily enough for me, someone from my school was selling one, which I, of course, bought right away. Then, it was a bit of a waiting game to wait for the tickets to arrive to her and schedule a locker drop-off. That happened and I got my ticket. In the mezzanine section, of course.
Then, came the concert. (*dun dun*) The first minute I stepped out of the car to line up, I heard fans screaming. At that point I was like, "I'm scared." Then, I got on line. It was a short wait to get in and it was PACKED. Girls and boys were squeezed into the waiting room and the first thing I needed to do was pick up my merchandise.
So, I got on the line for that and waited for quite a while before it got to us, and for some reason, they couldn't find us. I was kinda impatient, but not more than my mom who chose to say something about the shipping name or something like that. I stayed silent because, I mean, they are under a lot of stress trying to find all of this information in time. We're obviously not helping by making comments, so I silenced my mom too. He eventually found it and gave me my album. I thanked him and walked away from the line a little bit. With trembling hands, I opened my album up to check for a hi-touch ticket and there it was. I was shocked and started to just say something. Anything really. Saying something like "Oh my god. I'm so happy. I'm usually so unlucky so I thought..." I picked it up and my hands were seriously shaky, but I put it into my bag for later.
Then, I went in. There were fangirl screams. Yup, chants to get them out on the stage. I didn't join along. I was too busy making an idiot of myself at my own damn seat! Gah! *hides face in hands* So embarrassing. (Way to miss the seat butt... Way to miss. *sigh*) Anyway, I got to know the girl next to me a little better. Her name was Fanny (I hope I spelled it right *crossing fingers*) and she was a 20 year old that looked a lot younger than she said she was. She was nice, answering my questions and telling me about her kpop concert stories. She was more reserved during the concert. Opting to stand quietly and watch the concert rather than scream song lyrics, wave hands, and sway to the music like I did. Yeah...
So, the concert starts. It is freaking LOUD. It was awesome, but god it was LOUD. The sound of the beginning combined with the screams of the girls and boys blew my eardrums. Then, they came out. Their first song was One Shot. One of my favorite songs by them EVER. I had one hell of a time throughout the concert and I won't go into too much detail about it. Fun, exciting, loud, flipping out, caring towards the fans are all things that I felt about it.
Then, the hi-touch. For those of you that don't know, a hi-touch event is when you get a chance to high-five each of the members, and its like a five-second thing, but such an experience. I was nervous during the wait to go into that room and I guess so were everyone else. The two girls in front and behind me were nice, keeping me in conversation and stopping me from going too ballistic. The girl behind me had some letters to give them and her bias was Zelo. All I can say to that is, I can see why :). As for the girl in front of me, she was hella thirsty (like for real guys, don't think weird things) and her bias was Yongguk. Well, I wanted to help them out a little bit.
For the letters girl, it didn't seem likely that they would be allowed to take letters from fans, but I told her that I didn't think there would be any harm in asking. She agreed.
For the water girl, as we were walking in, I noticed a table with water. I mentioned it to her, showing it to her, but I don't remember exactly what she said, but she didn't make a move to try and get one, so I asked the man that was kind of herding us into the room.
I asked him, "Excuse me, can I get some water?" while pointing to the water bottles on the table. He handed me one and the girl took it from his grip. (Mission 1 accomplished)
Then, we actually walked in and saw them. It was kinda amazing to see them all there in person, you know? I mean, most kpop fans can only see them on the internet, but here they were right in front of us 100 lucky winners. There were two people near the front giving instructions. I asked one of them if we could give them letters.
His answer wasn't really clear, but I think he may have said to give it to the girl at the end, but I thought he said no, so I said, "Aw..." as I got back on line.
The girl with the letter was in front of me now and she asked me, "Why? Did you have something to give them?"
I replied, "No, I was just asking for you."
On a side note, why are people so afraid to ask questions? The worst thing that can happen for something like this is that they say no. I highly doubt that they would actually kick you out because of it.
Then, my turn. I wasn't as star-struck as I thought I would be. My words didn't get stuck in my throat as I thought they were, but my Korean ability completely shut off.
The first one was Zelo. My first reaction (and I said it out loud), "You are a lot taller than I thought be." They can't understand English that well, so I doubt they knew what I said, but I high-fived Zelo and told him, "Thank you." I said that to everyone of them and they said thank you as well. Meaning, 'Thank you for your support.'
To be honest, I don't feel like they had to do that. I know you are thankful. I feel your thanks. I should be thanking you for such a phenomenal 1st Kpop concert experience.
About high-fiving them though, it's like they only see you in those five seconds. They all seemed like really nice people and they didn't seem tired even though they most definitely were. I respect them for that kind of discipline, however, if you are tired, just say you're tired. We won't hate you for it! They looked right in your eyes, smiled, and told you thank you. I think I did the same back, but I keep feeling like I didn't smile and was more just staring. I don't know anymore.
I didn't get a chance to say hwaiting to them, but next time I hope. I also (along with many other people, probably) hope they remember me. I'm not a memorable person to be honest and I didn't do anything special to deserve their remembrance, still, I can hope, right? :) Then, it was over. I walked out of the room and went home.
Thank you guys for making my 1st Kpop concert experience awesome. I'll look over you guys more now and I'll try to send you a piece of mail (Yes, in English. I'm sorry, but I don't know Korean yet.) to tell you how thankful I am. Please keep it near you always :). Well, until next time.

So I haven't written in a while. Sorry. I'm too tired, I have no time, I hate school.
I used to actually like school. I actually used to wonder why people didn't like it. Well, guess what? Now I know.
Last week or so I failed my first test. As in I only answered 3 questions out of 10 because I was practically sleeping with my eyes open. That entire week I had been sleeping at 4AM and waking up at 6:30AM to go to school. When it came time to the test, I stared at the front page doing I have no idea what for a full 30 min. Mmmhmm, 30 min. staring at the front page for no reason at all. I was thinking about something and like I said previously, sleeping with my eyes open. I couldn't think at all.
Every single fucking weekend, I cry my eyes out multiple times because I have no time to finish anything and of course I'm sleeping at like 4, 5 AM just to finish all the work only to wake up at 6:30AM the "next" day. I'm so sick of this shit.
I mean, is all this stress really worth schooling? If it is, well, it's still not good for anyone. So why the fuck will the school NOT CHANGE??!!!
I don't understand why everyone seems to think that we have more time during the weekends to finish our homework or why they think we have so much time on the weekdays. Guess what? I DON'T!
Half the weekend time is me sleeping because I'm only getting 1-4 (on a GOOD day) hours of sleep a day during the week. Also, I don't want to FUCKING do MORE homework. Who the FUCK does? I've been slaving away the whole week and there's nothing I want more than some relaxation, but of course not. No, instead I have to work EVEN MORE. Yes, that makes damn sense. I'm dying. I'm dead. School killed me. Thanks.

Look, I know I haven't written a post in forever and I'm sorry, but right now, let's talk, okay?
So, most recently, I had my finals and WOOOHOOOOO!!!! They are freaking over *dancing like a madman and singing crazily off-key*. For this semester anyway *awwww*. And I guess I felt like talking again.
Well, first, since it's a topic I usually talk about, I guess I should start with this. Why the hell do I start whining like a little bitch to this guy, huh? I don't get it. Recently, I've been seriously weird. Whining, acting "cute", whatever the fuck I pretty much hate and don't stand for. And it's mostly to that one guy. No, I don't think I like him. Why? I don't feel weird when talking to him anymore... well, unless it gets dragged out... but besides that, um, not really. There was also this weird weird day when I decided to do something really weird. I know, three weirds. It's that bad. I guess I should start with a time before that, though. I'm not sure if I wrote it already, but whatever. Here's a refresher I guess.
So, there was this one day when we had history and after class was over, he side-hugged me and I kinda pushed him lightly away and broke away. There weren't any words exchanged and it was the day before break, so... yeah. That's the thing before this thing.
So now, what happened more recently, but not that recently. Okay, so near the end of class (we had a sub), he sort of told me to hug him. He said his friends told him to or some shit and I was like *looking at him confusedly/weirdly* "no...?" So, he walked up to me and hugged me and the entire time I was kinda just sitting and not moving. Then, when class ended, he stole my jacket and wouldn't give it back. Here's where the weird stuff started... I started to... whine and kinda complain to him to give me my jacket back and he wouldn't. Then, I believe I put my hand on his head like I was about to pat his head or something and I eventually grabbed my jacket. So, at this point, I had my jacket, so I left right? WRONG. SOOOOOOO WRONG. For whatever reason my mind came up with at the time, I opened my arms up, inviting him to hug me kinda thing and we hugged. We broke away and I left. Ummm.... I don't know what's happened to me and I kinda had a brain meltdown afterwards as to why the fuck I did that, but yeah. Soooo... guy story of the day *thumbs up* yay :).

Moving on, I want to talk a bit about Valentine's Day. Soo... Valentine's Day. Hmmm... what to say really. I guess I should start with the fact that before probably this year, I've always considered Valentine's Day to be pointless and stupid (except for during elementary school. I mean, I loved the free candy and stuff, so ;P) mostly because nothing ever happened on that day for me. You know, no chocolate exchanged or anything and like no guy with me anyway, so I was like "This is stupid" every year, but it didn't bother me that much that I didn't have anything that day. I just felt kinda idk... left out? Or something like that. My friends typically had boyfriends except for a few of them and it just felt weird. But, this year, the girls in my Japanese class is basically required to give chocolates to a guy they feel okay with in the class and come White Day (March 14th), the guys will give something back to the girls. Now, me, personally, I don't have anyone in particular to give anything to, so I decided to just give everyone something. No, I don't expect everyone to give me anything back, but I hope that a few will on White Day. Anyway, this whole thing makes the day more exciting and fun and although it was messy, I made one batch of truffles this weekend and I plan on making the brownies that'll go with the piece of chocolate next weekend or the day before. Anyway, I hope your Valentine's Day will go well and I'm going to end this post here. Bye~

Can I just write about something I totally DON'T understand? Love. And Guys.
I don't get you. Why.

Let me explain just a little bit. As for love... well, I've never fallen in love. I've had a couple crushes before, but those are not even serious. It's more like, oh yeah, he's cute. More than, omg, I love everything about him. You know? That second one I've only really felt about my biases in K-Pop which is kinda sad. Anyway, so I've never fallen in love. Do I want to? Hell yeah, but there's no one. I don't know if it's just like I don't realize it or something, but I haven't found a person that I truly love. I'd probably do anything for that one guy if I found him though... Anyway, onto the second thing I don't get. I can't dwell on this love thing. Actually, I think I wrote a post on that before... well, whatever.

Guys. I don't get you. Or it's more like, I don't get my reactions to you. WTF. I don't get my own self in the way I talk to you or anything. I DON'T GET IT!!! This all stems from one person. Obviously. Because I'm wondering about this whole love thing, I keep thinking about if I love anyone and that guy keeps popping in my head. I deny it (I always do) in my mind and to myself of course. Honestly, I probably don't though. I always do this. Even with my biases in K-Pop. I keep saying that I don't love them. Then, I go into it and say that I do. Finally, I realize, wait a second... I don't actually think I do. You see? So, basically, in the end, I won't like the guy. Yup. That's my life right there... for now. Anyway, back to what this is about. My reactions to you guys. I don't get it. For most guys, if I talk to you for a short period of time, I'll be totally comfortable about it. But, if I talk longer (especially to guys I actually find attractive), the way I speak changes. I don't know why, but whenever I talk to that damn guy (I think I wrote about him too... I don't know. Go check.), I can't speak the way I want to. I don't get it. It actually takes a HUGE amount of courage to even talk to him (Which is why I only went up to speak to him once... Sorry dude.) mainly because he has friends around him like all the time (It's so fucking hard when you have so many people around you. Why do you make it so difficult???!!!) and when I do start talking, my voice is weird and starts getting kinda shaky. Why the hell am I like that when I talk to you? Maybe it's just because I took the initiative to talk to you? Maybe it's just a common response for girls to guys? I don't know. Actually, I'm not even sure what I think of him and what he thinks of me... I'm not really sure if we're friends.... I'm confused okay. I'm freaking confused. I don't think we're exactly friends... but I'm never sure. It's not like he needs another friend though. He has plenty of them. From what I've seen anyway. (Btw, he's the one who keeps connecting people I know together. WTF, why do you know like everyone I know? That's weird as hell. Oh and he's one of those popular people I was talking about) So, yeah. I can't talk to you. I can barely look at you even though I seem to seek you out. So, what the hell is this? Does anyone have a damn answer? Whatever. I'm getting off now. I need to do my damn HW. Fuck this school.

Lately, I've been neglecting a lot of things outside of school. I hate it! But, I don't have any time for much else besides school and it sucks ASS. Anyway, also, I want to say that recently, I've realized something. In this school, it seems like the only thing I'm doing is keeping the information taught fresh enough in my mind to pass a damn test. That's stupid. Life isn't about tests. It's about applying that information we learn, but in this school, we have like NO TIME to fully remember and understand all this info. In my old school, I would actually learn it not memorize for a short period of time and push it to the back of my head again. Geez.

Also, about neglecting things, I've been neglecting a lot of things whether it's writing my fanfics (Yeah, I write fanfics. Deal with it.) to writing reviews on my other blog to voice-acting, I'm completely neglecting it and I don't like that. I feel like I'm letting absolutely everyone down. Sometimes I really hate my life and I feel really stressed everyday and honestly, the only thing keeping me going is music (EXO, MBLAQ, Minna Arigatou Gozaimasu), Japanese class (Favorite class!), Chorus (2nd favorite class), and my friends. I have friends at my old school too, but I made new ones there and I really want to keep them. They are awesome too!

On friends, it's kinda weird. It's like everyone I associate with or are friends with and also friends with my other friends and it's like we're all interconnected somehow and it's just weird. I don't know how else to explain it. Also on friends, about me really, I am not that outgoing. Compared to other people, I don't have people surrounding me all the time, so it can get lonely and I feel kinda isolated. At the same time, I can blend with others pretty well and I can talk to pretty much anyone. I don't know if that's really good or bad. Also, about my personality... err... let's just say, it attracts a certain type of person to be my friend. You see, popular people can attract anyone to them and make them their friend right, but me, although I can blend with anyone, that doesn't mean I'm friends with them. My friends are typically a bit quirky and are most likely similar to me. I don't know what I'm really saying anymore and my mind's kinda jumbled up, but I hope this post made somewhat sense and I'm gonna get off. I will hopefully be able to work on my other projects soon!! But now... TOO MUCH HW. HELP ME!!!! \(TT^TT)/

Sehunnie & rewrite

Yo, I haven't written in like forever, but this is another EXO thing. I know. I should just start calling this blog EXO troubles or whatever, but this is Sehun/For Sehun/ I don't know...
It's about Sehun, obviously. I wrote this on Google Drive first, but here goes (it also includes my rewrite of Just The Way You Are for Sehun...):

You know the crazy thing about Sehun? He’s so similar to me sometimes. He’s also pretty much my dream/perfect guy ever. I’m not joking. I feel that even if I did meet him on the street & talked with him, and he wasn’t exactly the same as what I may have thought from EXO’s stages and whatnot, I wouldn’t mind. His motto, “Let’s live life doing the things we like!” couldn’t be truer in my mind. I believe that wholeheartedly. I believe that if you aren’t enjoying what you are doing, then you shouldn’t be doing that at all. It doesn’t apply to everything, but for the most part, it’s so true. Some things, like school, you have to endure, but if you have a job that you hate so much and it’s eating you from the inside out, then, you shouldn’t do it. He’s good looking. It’s true. I won’t lie about this. I find him very good looking. Kinda breathtaking I guess. I know that’s really something to describe a girl, but it’s true for him too. My heart aches for him, you know? Also, when he smiles, as I said in my re-write of the Just The Way You Are lyrics, “his laugh, his laugh, I love so much I like to see him happy.” When he’s happy, I love him the most. He’s so serious on stage that if I ever saw them on stage, if I was close enough, I would yell, “SEHUN!!” and use my fingers and my face to tell him to smile. It might annoy him or even mess him up, but if he isn’t smiling, I worry about him. I worry if he’s not having fun or if he’s hurt or if he’s worried about something else. It hurts my heart you know… He has this cuteness and innocence around him sometimes, but other times, he feels just really strong and ah, I don’t know how to describe it. His personality of being shy, but opening up later is just like mine actually. I’m not just BS-ing you because I want to have things in common with him. It’s true. With strangers, I won’t talk to much, but if you ever saw me with my friends at, say, the lunch table, I talk really loudly, laugh like a hyena, bang my hand on the table or slap my forehead with it, and so much more. I open up when I really trust someone as a friend. His lisp isn’t even noticeable to me, but it’s probably because I don’t speak Korean. Who cares anyway. If he has a lisp, who cares. I’ll still love him. His ideal type, is a bit of a problem for me you know… He wants a kind woman. The thing is, I’m not always kind. I can be really crude and I curse often. My temper can get out of control and I can act like a guy sometimes. But, for the most part, I am pretty nice. I care a lot about others and if anyone starts or looks like they are about to cry, I’m always the person who gets up and grabs a few tissues to hand to them. Anyway, enough about me. Another part of his type is that he prefers noonas or women older than him. Who am I kidding. I’m 5/6 years younger than him. He’d never look at me like that… would he? Despite that, mentally, I could be at least 20, but hey, I don’t really know. Also, I believe that I could take care of him just as well as any noona could. I can do basically everything a girl is “expected” to know how to do/know and I can care for people quite well. Overall though, I just love him to death even though he may never know me and will probably never care for me in his lifetime. My rewrite couldn’t be truer…

“Oh his eyes, his eyes

are so beautiful, gazing deeply.

His hair, his hair

is so soft I want to ruffle it maybe

He looks so good~

and I tell him every day.

Yeahhh

I know, I know.

When I compliment him, he won’t hear me.

And it’s so, it’s so

sad to think that he won’t ever see me.

But every time I think of him, asking.

I say…

When I see your face~

There’s not a thing that I would change.

‘Cause you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

And when you smile~

My heart stops as I stare for a while.

‘Cause dude you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

His aegyo, aegyo

is so cute I want to hug him badly.

His laugh, his laugh

I love so much I like to see him happy.

He looks so good~

and I tell him everyday.

Oh you don’t know, you don’t know

I’d never ask you to change.

If perfect is what you want,

then just stay the same.

So, trust me when I say that you look okay!

You know I’ll saaaay~

When I see your face~

There’s not a thing that I would change.

‘Cause you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

And when you smile~

My heart stops as I stare for a while.

‘Cause dude you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

The way you are~

The way you are~

Dude, you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

When I see your face~

There’s not a thing that I would change.

‘Cause you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

And when you smile~

My heart stops as I stare for a while.

‘Cause dude you are perfect~

Just the way you are~.

Like I said in my last post, I'm going to write a little life story today! Yay!

Let's talk about that friend I was mentioning before, shall we?
Okay, so I've known her since 2nd (?) grade or 4th (?) grade I believe, but we really only became really good friends in 7th grade. It's weird like that. Anyway, she's basically a girly girl and wants to make me into one. I know, THE HORRORRRRRR!!! I'm already becoming girlier because of EXO, but honestly, I still want to keep some of my tomboyishness. I think I said this already actually. Anyway, we did a lot of things together (played Just Dance AKA the only exercise I bothered doing this summer, doing OVA AKA Olympics of the Visual Arts which is total BS because the judges are soooooo biased it's not even funny and because they are so fucking stupid, they didn't get our on the spot project. WHAT DON'T YOU GET??? IT'S A FUCKING CAKE THAT'S BLACK WITH 30 CANDLES WITH HAND-GLUED WICKS AND A DRAWING OF A HAND BRINGING A MATCH WHOSE FLAME IS THE ONLY COLOR IN THE DRAWING WHICH BRINGS YOUR GAZE TOWARDS IT! THE SMOKE SPELLS FRICKING OVA!! WHAT DO YOU NOT GET???
Small tangent here. The on the spot project was to make something that had to do with 30 and OVA. At first we were going to do something stupid like write 30 and use the 0 as an O, but then, I remembered that it was the 30th anniversary of OVA, so I thought to draw a cake with 30 candles on it and whatnot. My other friend who was also with us then came up with the whole black thing with a single spot of color (the flame). We literally cut thirty fucking pieces of this string and hand-glued the wicks onto the candles and then we found out that we didn't fucking win 1st place because they "didn't get it". DAFUQ DO YOU NOT GET???
I'm still kinda pissed even now, especially since the people who did win in each of the categories were almost all from the same fucking school over and over and over again. YEAH, BIASED MUCH?!!!
Ugh, I'm too worked up now to write a new life story, so there it is. My life story of the day/week... idk.

Also, if my friend ever reads this.
Really? I'll friend-zone him? Dafuq do you want from me???? Stop making it seem like I'm guy crazy. I'M NOT!!! I swe** every single time. You seem to tease me about guys. The hell? What makes you think this??!! I don't get it!!!!! TToTT

You know, I've noticed something. It's the stupidest thing ever to notice, but I've noticed that the guys I like always seem to be about a foot taller than me, make me want to back hug them, have kinda messy hair, are typically older than me, but childish, and stuff... dafuq.... how did this develop? I don't get myself anymore. I need to just go and bang my head repeatedly on a wall somewhere. Why did I even get onto this topic? Oh yeah, my friend was talking about how I would definitely friend zone this new guy friend I made today (or I think I did... I'm too awkward for this shit...) eventually... Um... okay, but that would require someone actually liking me which is like no one, so ha ha ha ha ha ha...

I promise that my next post will include a life story. Those are the most interesting after all :P

Yo wassuuuuuuup?!!! How ya'll doing? Seriously. Is there anyone actually reading this. I said before and I'm going to say it again. When the hell are people actually going to read my posts? Like I said, I'm POURING MY LIFE STORIES OUT HERE. The LEAST YOU COULD DO IS READ IT!!

Anyway, the past week has been uneventful. To quote my fellow freshie, I was "adjusting to Stuyvesant". Yup. I'm still adjusting and, so far, I hate geometry. I don't get it/it's moving too fast/what the hell are we doing???!!!

I'll figure it out eventually, but right now, I'm lost as FUCK.
Anyway... let's just move on.

I'm not as super obsessed anymore (yay me!). Mostly because I don't get to follow them as much. They've had their goodbye stages already, so *cry* I won't be able to see them for another year. But, I'm also happy because they can hopefully get some rest now. I know they've been extremely tired and actually, I have too, but irrelevant. I want them to have a good rest. I want them to be able to speak and meet their family and friends and have a little reunion. I remember commenting on one of their stages that they looked really stiff and they didn't look like they were having fun. That's the last thing I want to happen. I want them to be happy. If it means that I have to wait, then so be it. I don't mind because if they aren't happy, I'm not. You know what I mean? Anyway, I'm going to sign off because I need to finish my HW and stop procrastinating, but I'm back and I'll be writing some more life stories soon! Bye~!

My first day was an absolute disaster. Absolutely no time to go to my locker, so I was basically hauling 2 textbooks into each fucking class. Lunch was confusing as hell. How the heck was I supposed to know that I needed my ID huh?? How was I supposed to know that I had to pay at a freaking kiosk? I had no fucking info. After 1 freaking day, I'm already tired as fuck. I hate it. I still want to finish this school even though I pretty much only got... Um... 6? Hours of sleep. Thanks a fuck lot.
Exo is one of the only things keeping me alive right now. Except, I want to meet them so much that I always seem to cry. Stop making me cry EXO!
Talk later...

Don't read the depression post. I get depressed from time to time and then get really happy from time to time and really pissed from time to time, etc. etc. Seriously.
Anyway, I cut my hair yesterday!!! It's shorter and I kinda like it. My hair was growing too slowly, so I decided to take my friends advice and cut it... I hope it grows faster, but at the same time, I like this length. I think I'll grow it out long enough and then cut it to this length again. I like it!! Anyway, you can probably tell by now that I'm in one of my ridiculously happy & optimistic periods... *sigh* anyway... you might wonder why I want to grow it out so bad. Well, I basically want to grow it out to see if I like it long & so that I can cut it and send it to charity. Yep, that's right. To charity. It might seem kind of stupid, but it's what I want to do. Anyway, bye guys!! School starts tomorrow and I'm super confused and still need to do some things. Bye~

I feel really depressed right now. It's probably really stupid of me to write this out, but who cares. I'll be embarrassed all over the internet. Big deal. Okay, fine, it's not that bad.
I'm just feeling depressed. Why? Simply because of a little thing called celebrity crushes. You see, I kinda figured out what I've been thinking for a while. You see, I was wondering if I really liked/loved Cheondung (MBLAQ), Tao (EXO-M), and Sehun (EXO-K). My answer? I don't think I really love Cheondung or Tao. I just think they are really good looking. But for Sehun... it's kinda different. Somehow I'm jealous over little things like him being in that damn sitcom... I know I won't see him either, but if I did... I would probably tell him. Just so he could reject me. If I saw him and he rejected me, I think I could get over it. The more I think about him having a girlfriend the more I don't feel good. This post probably isn't even making sense right now, but maybe after tonight, I'll feel better. I don't know... I want a nice boyfriend, you know? But, why did I have to fall in love with someone that's 5 1/2 years older than me + is a celebrity? That's BS. Bye.

Update: Ha! I'm in denial again and no, I don't love him. That's not possible. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I haven't even met him how could I? He doesn't even know me... But, I don't love him. Of course not. Ha! ha ahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaha Nope. I don't love him. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

I'm going to be working on a lot of stuff, so I won't be posting for the next few days. I'll post more often once I get into school though. Much more "exciting" (yeah, sure...) stuff will probably happen, so wish me luck with you know, friends and stuff (I'm an awkward bitch. Let's face it)... Bye~

Today, I want to talk about a game called, Super Smash Bros. You might have heard of it. Basically, it was a pretty big part of my childhood. My bro and I would play it together sometimes and I would ALWAYS pick Kirby because she (or is it he...) is the best character. Anyway, we would play it together or I'd watch while he completed a quest or whatever they were called. But, after my bro started playing a lot more on his Xbox & PS3, I stopped playing. However, I dug it out from his game pile and it just reminded me of a lot of things like the only party my family ever hosted and how my cousins and I had so much fun. I love those past days. The game also reminds me of when the library actually had these games downstairs that they allowed kids to play. They don't anymore, but it was ridiculously fun. I don't really remember how to play anymore, but I can't wait to play with my little cousin today. Okay, well, there's my little life story about Super Smash Bros. Bye~

Okay, well, I have no clue what to write about except for what I decided to do with my friend today.
So, basically, we recorded a video and posted it on EXO's official fanboard.
I know, stupid. Right now, I kinda want to go dig a hole and just bury myself in it. I'm dying of embarrassment and just dying. HELP ME!!
You want to see my super embarrassing video? Go here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Bx3o0eVtjk
Watch me die of embarrassment. Especially when my friend decided to expose my secret about the whole Sehun-Tao affair... Aish... God damn it. Great. Now they are just going to know about the whole arms thing-y and how I pretty much love them. Even though, I can't say that because they don't really know me and I don't really know them... *sigh*
I'm obsessed with EXO. I know that. Come on. I cried for them already. It's kinda cray cray. Jeez, this blog is starting to just become a blog for my EXO troubles... agh.... I'm going to try to stop you guys (btw, who am I even talking to? No one reads this blog anyway...). I promise!! Okay, going to dig that hole now (it's a joke guys, chill). Bye~!

Yo! So, before I completely forget (AGAIN), here's that extra long post you've been waiting for (not) and I'm sure you are just dying (again, not) to know about me and my brother as well as some other stuff. So, here it is.

So, me and my bro... we've always been close, you know? I was a serious tomboy in elementary school mostly because of him. He used to be really interested and in sports and stuff, so he would play with me in the backyard. We'd play football (well, 'catch' technically, but whatevs), soccer (passing & stuff), and baseball (again, 'catch' technically). He'd teach me stuff like the correct way to hold & throw a football, so that it's a perfect spiral. and stuff like that. Right now, I still mess up A LOT when it comes to throwing a perfect spiral, but for the most part, I can. We'd have a ton of fun together. Actually, he played soccer on a local team during middle school. Besides sports though, there are a few other memories I love. One of which includes his birthday. So, basically his birthday was the day and we went to Toys R Us or something, so that he could pick something as a gift using the money he got. And I saw this bin of stuffed dogs and I really wanted one (I was like 5 or something at the time, so pre-scar). He used some of his birthday money to buy it for me and that's one of my favorite memories of being with him. Another memory was in the 8th grade (when he was in the 8th grade). He had started playing video games, but it wasn't that bad yet. The TV that's currently in my room was in the living room then and his X-box was all set up there with his games. Sometimes I would sit next to him and watch him play. Tell him where some people were/where to shoot and stuff. At one point, he also tried to teach me how to play, but I just couldn't get it. When he wasn't playing his games, sometimes we would watch movies together and there was this particular one with Tom Cruise in it or something and it was like a whole typical alien thing and since it was nighttime and I was relatively young, I was scared as hell. During the day, when we watched it again at another time, it was fine, but I was scared. He didn't do anything I don't think, but him being there kinda helped me just get through it all. Anyway, another memory in 8th grade (when he was in the 8th grade) was when he went to DC on a school trip for about a week. There was also the trip in 7th grade that was a couple days, but had the same result. I really missed him. He was an awesome brother, so I seriously missed him. Anyway, when he got back from the DC trip, he had gotten me a souvenir. I love that pony to this day. But, in high school. That basically all changed. He started playing more and more video games and was on his computer like all the time. He kept buying things and sometimes he would buy things for his friends. Then, my parents started getting angrier and angrier. Sometimes, they would fight and yell a lot downstairs and I would have to be in bed, you know? I wasn't really allowed to listen in. In the beginning, I could because it wasn't so bad. I'd be the one to hand my brother tissues if he cried and things like that. But later on, I started crying myself. It just got bad. It would be during times when I'm in the middle of sleep, but wake up to hear yelling and stuff outside and I wouldn't be able to sleep. Sometimes I would go downstairs knowing full well what was going on and be told to go back up. It would wrap up soon after. I just started closing my door. Somewhere along the way though, near the time we're in now, my brother got a bit better about it. There's no more yelling. No more arguing. Things are better now and that's basically my story about my brother. Also, I forgot to mention this, but my brother was really smart. I still believe that he is really smart, but his grades started slipping and he was getting 60s, 70s as his grades when those video games practically became his life. Now, he's slowly getting better, but because his grades had slipped so badly, his GPA isn't that great, so he's taking a year off to self-study and what not to apply to colleges again. I had seen the rejection letters, so I know. I sincerely hope my brother can get into a good college and get a good job. Please God. Please.

Readers, um, my first review will come soon. I've just been killing myself lately, so yeah. Okay, bye!

I'm going to continue asking this question until someone actually comments on one of my posts. *in annoying girl voice* Like for reals. *end annoying voice*
So, yeah. When am I actually going to get real page views from something that isn't a spammy website? Huh?

*sigh* Probably never huh... Aiyaaaaaaahhhhh... You know? I couldn't stop thinking about EXO and the whole thing that happened. I keep talking to the poster on my bedroom wall. That's right. I'm just so insane and weird that I talk to posters. What can I say? You know, they are making me more and more depressed and yet I love them tons. They can make me depressed, but they can also make me extremely happy/crazy/excited/weird as fuuuuuuuuuu** So, yeah. Have you noticed that I say 'so, yeah' like all the time. It's seriously getting annoying to me. Yup, I get annoyed of myself. Especially when I can't seem to shut up even when I want to. I'm WEIRD. In case you didn't get it in the past...what is it?...12 posts? Whatever number posts I wrote so far, but seriously. If you have not gotten that I'm weird yet, um, there's something wrong with you, so yeah. See? There I go again.

I have to write this stupid paper and I'm procrastinating so much! I can't FOCUS!!!! ARGH!!! Someone help me!!! I need someone to always stay by my side to slap me, hug me, comfort me, love me, etc. Basically, I need a boyfriend don't I... *sigh* Maybe then, I'll actually be more 'normal', not that there is really anything normal about anyone. We're just US. God...
Anyway, I can't think of much to talk about, but maybe tomorrow, I'll talk a bit about my brother. :)