So I haven't written in a while. Sorry. I'm too tired, I have no time, I hate school.
I used to actually like school. I actually used to wonder why people didn't like it. Well, guess what? Now I know.
Last week or so I failed my first test. As in I only answered 3 questions out of 10 because I was practically sleeping with my eyes open. That entire week I had been sleeping at 4AM and waking up at 6:30AM to go to school. When it came time to the test, I stared at the front page doing I have no idea what for a full 30 min. Mmmhmm, 30 min. staring at the front page for no reason at all. I was thinking about something and like I said previously, sleeping with my eyes open. I couldn't think at all.
Every single fucking weekend, I cry my eyes out multiple times because I have no time to finish anything and of course I'm sleeping at like 4, 5 AM just to finish all the work only to wake up at 6:30AM the "next" day. I'm so sick of this shit.
I mean, is all this stress really worth schooling? If it is, well, it's still not good for anyone. So why the fuck will the school NOT CHANGE??!!!
I don't understand why everyone seems to think that we have more time during the weekends to finish our homework or why they think we have so much time on the weekdays. Guess what? I DON'T!
Half the weekend time is me sleeping because I'm only getting 1-4 (on a GOOD day) hours of sleep a day during the week. Also, I don't want to FUCKING do MORE homework. Who the FUCK does? I've been slaving away the whole week and there's nothing I want more than some relaxation, but of course not. No, instead I have to work EVEN MORE. Yes, that makes damn sense. I'm dying. I'm dead. School killed me. Thanks.

Look, I know I haven't written a post in forever and I'm sorry, but right now, let's talk, okay?
So, most recently, I had my finals and WOOOHOOOOO!!!! They are freaking over *dancing like a madman and singing crazily off-key*. For this semester anyway *awwww*. And I guess I felt like talking again.
Well, first, since it's a topic I usually talk about, I guess I should start with this. Why the hell do I start whining like a little bitch to this guy, huh? I don't get it. Recently, I've been seriously weird. Whining, acting "cute", whatever the fuck I pretty much hate and don't stand for. And it's mostly to that one guy. No, I don't think I like him. Why? I don't feel weird when talking to him anymore... well, unless it gets dragged out... but besides that, um, not really. There was also this weird weird day when I decided to do something really weird. I know, three weirds. It's that bad. I guess I should start with a time before that, though. I'm not sure if I wrote it already, but whatever. Here's a refresher I guess.
So, there was this one day when we had history and after class was over, he side-hugged me and I kinda pushed him lightly away and broke away. There weren't any words exchanged and it was the day before break, so... yeah. That's the thing before this thing.
So now, what happened more recently, but not that recently. Okay, so near the end of class (we had a sub), he sort of told me to hug him. He said his friends told him to or some shit and I was like *looking at him confusedly/weirdly* "no...?" So, he walked up to me and hugged me and the entire time I was kinda just sitting and not moving. Then, when class ended, he stole my jacket and wouldn't give it back. Here's where the weird stuff started... I started to... whine and kinda complain to him to give me my jacket back and he wouldn't. Then, I believe I put my hand on his head like I was about to pat his head or something and I eventually grabbed my jacket. So, at this point, I had my jacket, so I left right? WRONG. SOOOOOOO WRONG. For whatever reason my mind came up with at the time, I opened my arms up, inviting him to hug me kinda thing and we hugged. We broke away and I left. Ummm.... I don't know what's happened to me and I kinda had a brain meltdown afterwards as to why the fuck I did that, but yeah. Soooo... guy story of the day *thumbs up* yay :).

Moving on, I want to talk a bit about Valentine's Day. Soo... Valentine's Day. Hmmm... what to say really. I guess I should start with the fact that before probably this year, I've always considered Valentine's Day to be pointless and stupid (except for during elementary school. I mean, I loved the free candy and stuff, so ;P) mostly because nothing ever happened on that day for me. You know, no chocolate exchanged or anything and like no guy with me anyway, so I was like "This is stupid" every year, but it didn't bother me that much that I didn't have anything that day. I just felt kinda idk... left out? Or something like that. My friends typically had boyfriends except for a few of them and it just felt weird. But, this year, the girls in my Japanese class is basically required to give chocolates to a guy they feel okay with in the class and come White Day (March 14th), the guys will give something back to the girls. Now, me, personally, I don't have anyone in particular to give anything to, so I decided to just give everyone something. No, I don't expect everyone to give me anything back, but I hope that a few will on White Day. Anyway, this whole thing makes the day more exciting and fun and although it was messy, I made one batch of truffles this weekend and I plan on making the brownies that'll go with the piece of chocolate next weekend or the day before. Anyway, I hope your Valentine's Day will go well and I'm going to end this post here. Bye~

Can I just write about something I totally DON'T understand? Love. And Guys.
I don't get you. Why.

Let me explain just a little bit. As for love... well, I've never fallen in love. I've had a couple crushes before, but those are not even serious. It's more like, oh yeah, he's cute. More than, omg, I love everything about him. You know? That second one I've only really felt about my biases in K-Pop which is kinda sad. Anyway, so I've never fallen in love. Do I want to? Hell yeah, but there's no one. I don't know if it's just like I don't realize it or something, but I haven't found a person that I truly love. I'd probably do anything for that one guy if I found him though... Anyway, onto the second thing I don't get. I can't dwell on this love thing. Actually, I think I wrote a post on that before... well, whatever.

Guys. I don't get you. Or it's more like, I don't get my reactions to you. WTF. I don't get my own self in the way I talk to you or anything. I DON'T GET IT!!! This all stems from one person. Obviously. Because I'm wondering about this whole love thing, I keep thinking about if I love anyone and that guy keeps popping in my head. I deny it (I always do) in my mind and to myself of course. Honestly, I probably don't though. I always do this. Even with my biases in K-Pop. I keep saying that I don't love them. Then, I go into it and say that I do. Finally, I realize, wait a second... I don't actually think I do. You see? So, basically, in the end, I won't like the guy. Yup. That's my life right there... for now. Anyway, back to what this is about. My reactions to you guys. I don't get it. For most guys, if I talk to you for a short period of time, I'll be totally comfortable about it. But, if I talk longer (especially to guys I actually find attractive), the way I speak changes. I don't know why, but whenever I talk to that damn guy (I think I wrote about him too... I don't know. Go check.), I can't speak the way I want to. I don't get it. It actually takes a HUGE amount of courage to even talk to him (Which is why I only went up to speak to him once... Sorry dude.) mainly because he has friends around him like all the time (It's so fucking hard when you have so many people around you. Why do you make it so difficult???!!!) and when I do start talking, my voice is weird and starts getting kinda shaky. Why the hell am I like that when I talk to you? Maybe it's just because I took the initiative to talk to you? Maybe it's just a common response for girls to guys? I don't know. Actually, I'm not even sure what I think of him and what he thinks of me... I'm not really sure if we're friends.... I'm confused okay. I'm freaking confused. I don't think we're exactly friends... but I'm never sure. It's not like he needs another friend though. He has plenty of them. From what I've seen anyway. (Btw, he's the one who keeps connecting people I know together. WTF, why do you know like everyone I know? That's weird as hell. Oh and he's one of those popular people I was talking about) So, yeah. I can't talk to you. I can barely look at you even though I seem to seek you out. So, what the hell is this? Does anyone have a damn answer? Whatever. I'm getting off now. I need to do my damn HW. Fuck this school.

Lately, I've been neglecting a lot of things outside of school. I hate it! But, I don't have any time for much else besides school and it sucks ASS. Anyway, also, I want to say that recently, I've realized something. In this school, it seems like the only thing I'm doing is keeping the information taught fresh enough in my mind to pass a damn test. That's stupid. Life isn't about tests. It's about applying that information we learn, but in this school, we have like NO TIME to fully remember and understand all this info. In my old school, I would actually learn it not memorize for a short period of time and push it to the back of my head again. Geez.

Also, about neglecting things, I've been neglecting a lot of things whether it's writing my fanfics (Yeah, I write fanfics. Deal with it.) to writing reviews on my other blog to voice-acting, I'm completely neglecting it and I don't like that. I feel like I'm letting absolutely everyone down. Sometimes I really hate my life and I feel really stressed everyday and honestly, the only thing keeping me going is music (EXO, MBLAQ, Minna Arigatou Gozaimasu), Japanese class (Favorite class!), Chorus (2nd favorite class), and my friends. I have friends at my old school too, but I made new ones there and I really want to keep them. They are awesome too!

On friends, it's kinda weird. It's like everyone I associate with or are friends with and also friends with my other friends and it's like we're all interconnected somehow and it's just weird. I don't know how else to explain it. Also on friends, about me really, I am not that outgoing. Compared to other people, I don't have people surrounding me all the time, so it can get lonely and I feel kinda isolated. At the same time, I can blend with others pretty well and I can talk to pretty much anyone. I don't know if that's really good or bad. Also, about my personality... err... let's just say, it attracts a certain type of person to be my friend. You see, popular people can attract anyone to them and make them their friend right, but me, although I can blend with anyone, that doesn't mean I'm friends with them. My friends are typically a bit quirky and are most likely similar to me. I don't know what I'm really saying anymore and my mind's kinda jumbled up, but I hope this post made somewhat sense and I'm gonna get off. I will hopefully be able to work on my other projects soon!! But now... TOO MUCH HW. HELP ME!!!! \(TT^TT)/

Sehunnie & rewrite

Yo, I haven't written in like forever, but this is another EXO thing. I know. I should just start calling this blog EXO troubles or whatever, but this is Sehun/For Sehun/ I don't know...
It's about Sehun, obviously. I wrote this on Google Drive first, but here goes (it also includes my rewrite of Just The Way You Are for Sehun...):

You know the crazy thing about Sehun? He’s so similar to me sometimes. He’s also pretty much my dream/perfect guy ever. I’m not joking. I feel that even if I did meet him on the street & talked with him, and he wasn’t exactly the same as what I may have thought from EXO’s stages and whatnot, I wouldn’t mind. His motto, “Let’s live life doing the things we like!” couldn’t be truer in my mind. I believe that wholeheartedly. I believe that if you aren’t enjoying what you are doing, then you shouldn’t be doing that at all. It doesn’t apply to everything, but for the most part, it’s so true. Some things, like school, you have to endure, but if you have a job that you hate so much and it’s eating you from the inside out, then, you shouldn’t do it. He’s good looking. It’s true. I won’t lie about this. I find him very good looking. Kinda breathtaking I guess. I know that’s really something to describe a girl, but it’s true for him too. My heart aches for him, you know? Also, when he smiles, as I said in my re-write of the Just The Way You Are lyrics, “his laugh, his laugh, I love so much I like to see him happy.” When he’s happy, I love him the most. He’s so serious on stage that if I ever saw them on stage, if I was close enough, I would yell, “SEHUN!!” and use my fingers and my face to tell him to smile. It might annoy him or even mess him up, but if he isn’t smiling, I worry about him. I worry if he’s not having fun or if he’s hurt or if he’s worried about something else. It hurts my heart you know… He has this cuteness and innocence around him sometimes, but other times, he feels just really strong and ah, I don’t know how to describe it. His personality of being shy, but opening up later is just like mine actually. I’m not just BS-ing you because I want to have things in common with him. It’s true. With strangers, I won’t talk to much, but if you ever saw me with my friends at, say, the lunch table, I talk really loudly, laugh like a hyena, bang my hand on the table or slap my forehead with it, and so much more. I open up when I really trust someone as a friend. His lisp isn’t even noticeable to me, but it’s probably because I don’t speak Korean. Who cares anyway. If he has a lisp, who cares. I’ll still love him. His ideal type, is a bit of a problem for me you know… He wants a kind woman. The thing is, I’m not always kind. I can be really crude and I curse often. My temper can get out of control and I can act like a guy sometimes. But, for the most part, I am pretty nice. I care a lot about others and if anyone starts or looks like they are about to cry, I’m always the person who gets up and grabs a few tissues to hand to them. Anyway, enough about me. Another part of his type is that he prefers noonas or women older than him. Who am I kidding. I’m 5/6 years younger than him. He’d never look at me like that… would he? Despite that, mentally, I could be at least 20, but hey, I don’t really know. Also, I believe that I could take care of him just as well as any noona could. I can do basically everything a girl is “expected” to know how to do/know and I can care for people quite well. Overall though, I just love him to death even though he may never know me and will probably never care for me in his lifetime. My rewrite couldn’t be truer…

“Oh his eyes, his eyes

are so beautiful, gazing deeply.

His hair, his hair

is so soft I want to ruffle it maybe

He looks so good~

and I tell him every day.

Yeahhh

I know, I know.

When I compliment him, he won’t hear me.

And it’s so, it’s so

sad to think that he won’t ever see me.

But every time I think of him, asking.

I say…

When I see your face~

There’s not a thing that I would change.

‘Cause you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

And when you smile~

My heart stops as I stare for a while.

‘Cause dude you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

His aegyo, aegyo

is so cute I want to hug him badly.

His laugh, his laugh

I love so much I like to see him happy.

He looks so good~

and I tell him everyday.

Oh you don’t know, you don’t know

I’d never ask you to change.

If perfect is what you want,

then just stay the same.

So, trust me when I say that you look okay!

You know I’ll saaaay~

When I see your face~

There’s not a thing that I would change.

‘Cause you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

And when you smile~

My heart stops as I stare for a while.

‘Cause dude you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

The way you are~

The way you are~

Dude, you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

When I see your face~

There’s not a thing that I would change.

‘Cause you are perfect~

Just the way you are.

And when you smile~

My heart stops as I stare for a while.

‘Cause dude you are perfect~

Just the way you are~.

Like I said in my last post, I'm going to write a little life story today! Yay!

Let's talk about that friend I was mentioning before, shall we?
Okay, so I've known her since 2nd (?) grade or 4th (?) grade I believe, but we really only became really good friends in 7th grade. It's weird like that. Anyway, she's basically a girly girl and wants to make me into one. I know, THE HORRORRRRRR!!! I'm already becoming girlier because of EXO, but honestly, I still want to keep some of my tomboyishness. I think I said this already actually. Anyway, we did a lot of things together (played Just Dance AKA the only exercise I bothered doing this summer, doing OVA AKA Olympics of the Visual Arts which is total BS because the judges are soooooo biased it's not even funny and because they are so fucking stupid, they didn't get our on the spot project. WHAT DON'T YOU GET??? IT'S A FUCKING CAKE THAT'S BLACK WITH 30 CANDLES WITH HAND-GLUED WICKS AND A DRAWING OF A HAND BRINGING A MATCH WHOSE FLAME IS THE ONLY COLOR IN THE DRAWING WHICH BRINGS YOUR GAZE TOWARDS IT! THE SMOKE SPELLS FRICKING OVA!! WHAT DO YOU NOT GET???
Small tangent here. The on the spot project was to make something that had to do with 30 and OVA. At first we were going to do something stupid like write 30 and use the 0 as an O, but then, I remembered that it was the 30th anniversary of OVA, so I thought to draw a cake with 30 candles on it and whatnot. My other friend who was also with us then came up with the whole black thing with a single spot of color (the flame). We literally cut thirty fucking pieces of this string and hand-glued the wicks onto the candles and then we found out that we didn't fucking win 1st place because they "didn't get it". DAFUQ DO YOU NOT GET???
I'm still kinda pissed even now, especially since the people who did win in each of the categories were almost all from the same fucking school over and over and over again. YEAH, BIASED MUCH?!!!
Ugh, I'm too worked up now to write a new life story, so there it is. My life story of the day/week... idk.

Also, if my friend ever reads this.
Really? I'll friend-zone him? Dafuq do you want from me???? Stop making it seem like I'm guy crazy. I'M NOT!!! I swe** every single time. You seem to tease me about guys. The hell? What makes you think this??!! I don't get it!!!!! TToTT

You know, I've noticed something. It's the stupidest thing ever to notice, but I've noticed that the guys I like always seem to be about a foot taller than me, make me want to back hug them, have kinda messy hair, are typically older than me, but childish, and stuff... dafuq.... how did this develop? I don't get myself anymore. I need to just go and bang my head repeatedly on a wall somewhere. Why did I even get onto this topic? Oh yeah, my friend was talking about how I would definitely friend zone this new guy friend I made today (or I think I did... I'm too awkward for this shit...) eventually... Um... okay, but that would require someone actually liking me which is like no one, so ha ha ha ha ha ha...

I promise that my next post will include a life story. Those are the most interesting after all :P